Thursday, April 8, 2010

ready for love

i want to preface this by saying that no one should come murder me after reading this. christina went to boston for a few days, so i'm home alone


and let me tell you, being alone is boring. i have no idea how i lived alone for two years ! i did all the stuff i can do without a roommate around- walk around with no pants on, eat dinner with no utensils and just my hands, go to the bathroom with the door open- and realized that it just feels hollow and wooden because i do that stuff when christina is around anyway.

i worked late yesterday and came home and tried to work on my sock, but i'm waiting until i get my metal needles in the mail because trying to do little teeny stitches on wooden needles blows- there's too much friction and the stitches don't slide off easily.


yeah, i don't have much today. i spent most of last night reading (pantsless) and eating fruit and petting my stupid cat. i did promise myself that i'd rewrite my essays for school application but i sort of banged them out in 15 minutes already and am arrogant enough to feel like i nailed them. but um, maybe i didn't, because i used the word "nerds" in one of them like five times? oooooops. blogging has ruined my ability to actually write shit.

oh, i remember what i wanted to talk about. throwdown with bobby flay is like, the most awkward tv show i've ever watched. i used to really hate bobby flay because he seemed very antisocial and mentally unstable on his old show, but after watching a few episodes of throwdown, i came around- he is much nicer and more graceful and kind, and he is always really humble and respectful to the people he's challenging

bobby flay
i picked this picture cause it was the creepiest

buttttttt the premise of the show is that they set up an elaborate ruse to make people think they're going to be on a food network special, and then at the end of a week of filming, bobby flay ambushes them in front of a huge crowd of their friends and customers and family and challenges them to a contest. they usually have no choice but to say yes. usually bobby flay loses, but when he wins, he basically like... humiliates people and takes away the one thing they're good at and known for in their depressing lives, on cable tv.

i know it's probably good for publicity (and indeed, we did go to the pop shop in collingswood a bunch after we saw them brutally lose to bobby flay) and everything but it's just such a bummer and i want to puke every time someone loses.

hey, did i mention that the food network is my #2 comfort thing after watching simpsons dvds on repeat? probably. i haven't needed it in awhile because i've been pretty busy and happy, but one night without christina led to me replacing her with guy fieri or whatever.

unlike the bobby flay picture, this is actually the best one i could find of him

did i mention also that i now have stockholm syndrome with guy fieri? he is SO awful looking and corny, and he uses the corniest slang, and just LOOKING at him he seems like he'd be so easy to make fun of, but he seems like such a genuinely nice and graceful and friendly person and all the people at the restaurants he visits love him and he brings them lots of publicity and always says super favorable stuff about them, and it's just impossible for me to bust on him now. even though this motherfucker owns a restaurant that has sushi with HOT DOGS in it ! hot dogs !

to make up for talking about the food network, here's a balloon with a gross monster on it:


i think i'm going to check my budget tomorrow and see if buying like 4390349 monster balloons on etsy is in the cards. i'm trying to save up a little because i'd like to go on one more vacation this year.


  1. that really is a remarkably good picture of guy fieri. is that a fucking scrunchie on his arm, though?????

  2. haha he and his son both wear them, i guess when he first went to be on 'the next food network star' and had to be away from his family he and his son did that so his son would see it on his arm on tv and think of it as a special message from his dad. see, how can you even hate that?

    my friend nick reminded me that food network has a show called 'chefography' where they do biographies of the chefs, and he was raised by california hippies and started cooking them dinner when he was 8 cause he didn't like his mom's hippie food and that was the only loophole, and he started a homemade soft pretzel business when he was 10 called


  3. "At the age of ten, he began selling soft pretzels from a three-wheeled bicycle cart named “The Awesome Pretzel” that he built with his father."


    ps i work right next door to one of his restaurants (tex wasabi. maybe i should go there for lunch and get the hot dog maki)

  4. hahaha. his restaurant has literally nothing vegetarian and nothing without like, wasabi bbq ranch sauce.

  5. hahah oh i know i was just kidding! i really do work right next door to it though.
    god i guess i like this guy now!!!!!!!! ugdfhl.
    the wikipedia description of his 'signature look' is hilarious to me.

  6. like despite him LOOKING like a douchebag, he's just totally not a douchebag, he's just a DORK. and i've never been the type to make fun of nice dorks, so i can't even make fun of all his stupid shit ! ugh !

  7. it's like an object lesson in not judging a book by its cover.

    but i LOVE judging! :[

  8. I don't know much about Guy but I like your viewpoint.

    And I've only ever knitted with metal kneedles (HA that was a typo but I'm leaving it)!

  9. kneedles ! haha. i much prefer bamboo for most stuff (though my denise kit means i use plastic the most) but for little teeny tiny stitches the wood just creates so much friction and i have to like.. force them off the needle. ANNOYING !

  10. Weird, I have the Food Network on in the background at the moment because I was expecting "Guy's Big Bite" to be on and it never came! (It was on at 3). I didn't think I could ever take him seriously but I keep enjoying his shows? Until I read your blog today, I was in denial over my Guy appreciation but now I'm aware and I guess I'm okay with it.

  11. it took me so long to come to terms with it, but now i will ardently defend him whenever anyone talks shit.

  12. ughhh please don't make me like guy fieri!! pleeeease let me just keep this one, pleeease.

  13. i don't really believe that you aren't the type to make fun of nice dorks!

  14. where can i get a wolfman balloon!?