Thursday, June 3, 2010

there's no turning back from this one

sooo i'm still not too affected by my dad's death, but last night i had a weird panic attack about my mom dying in the future- like, heaving sobbing panicking. i try to never think about it because i'm not sure how i'd exist on earth without my mom. i was seriously beside myself and when i finally calmed down i... went out and bought a bunch of moccasins?


it wasn't like... retail therapy or anything, i have no comfortable crappy shoes i can wear and get dirty for the summer since i wore through most of them, so i got a pair of brown and a pair of black. just getting out of the house and DOING something made me feel better, but it always makes me feel weird when the thing i'm doing is shopping. i'm super thrifty and critical of my consumption (though i'm far from perfect) but it's gotten to a point where i feel weird and guilty about spending money on something i legitimately need. didn't stop me from buying an xbox though !

veruca salt

my birthday party is this weekend and i'm really nervous. every year i get anxious that no one will come and no one will have a good time, even though i don't think that has ever happened before. this is the first year that i've restricted myself to one birthday party but i may try to get brunch going on sunday or something. the plan is hotel party with pizza and beer at this point? i think "hotel party" makes it sound way more glamorous than it will be, because it's just going to be nerds eating pizza in air conditioning for the most part. maybe they will eat cake too.

in reality my birthday cake will be like, a vegan soda cake

oh yeah. how do i make a pimple go away? i have a pimple on my upper lip that is super gross and painful and it won't go away. i never really get them but i want it gone asap because it's my least favorite pimple location.

so this entry has been boring and stilted and weird because i had a rough eating disorder night last night and i'm not really sure how to talk about it.


  1. I hope it didn't involve enchiladas.

    That happened to me recently.

  2. it involved a lot of tomatoes, which is awesome with acid reflux.

  3. did you know i think of you every time i see a moccasin? i can't even remember why that is now.

  4. is it because i used to want those knee high moccasins in like 2005 and someone (probably you) photoshopped them on that upright walking baboon?

  5. oh god, i really hope so!!!

  6. I have moccasins and they are really the best shoes ever! Every single pair of shoes I have ever had have given me stupid blisters but not moccassins.

    Also, your birthday anxieties are for nothing because it's going to be awesoooommmmeee. I had such a fun time the one rainy weekend I was at your house, I can't imagine what it will be like hanging out with you guys and OTHER PEOPLE in an air-conditioned HOTEL with PIZZA & BEER! Holy shit, awesome. Nick and I talk about it all the time, and it hasn't even happened yet.

    P.S. Try the toothpaste-on-the-zit trick because that sometimes works for me? Or a baking soda/water paste.

  7. i'm allergic to toothpaste (not my teeth, just my skin !!!) so i'm gonna try some kiehl's drawing paste.


  8. tea tree oil or coconut oil, sounds crazy but they both work miracles