like the fool i am and i'll always be

ohhhhhhhhhhhkay, i'm going to start with my to-do list from yesterday and cross off the stuff i did.

- straighten up bedroom
- read my history chapters and take notes
- tune up/grease/clean bike
- straighten up the kitchen and livingroom
- go back to trader joe's for some frozen crap
- catsit hoolie !
- brush my own cat and clip her toenails

not too much progress there, and i'm actually cheating a little because i decided not to go to trader joe's this week ! haha. oooops.

i stopped by after work to visit hoolie. she was doing well but was very very lonely, so i petted her and let her show me her toy mice and let her roll over a bunch for me. i also cleaned her water bowls and gave her fresh water and made sure she had enough food (this is what catsitting is if you didn't know). here she is, hanging out:





i also noticed that jon is weird:



i ended up taking a cab home after that because i'm an adult (and also because it was rush hour and i didn't want to be jammed into a trolley or bus with a bunch of assholes). i came home and tried to go to bed really early because i was feeling really anxious, but i ended up waking back up around 9:30 and killing zombies with ken. this is coach, the character i usually play:



i usually prefer an axe or a chainsaw as my melee weapon, but i feel guilty because a coach should probably use a baseball bat. oh, one way i've noticed that i am at a clear disadvantage when playing some video games is that i do not know anything about weapons. i know a lot about history and wars, but i know very little about guns and grenades and shit ! i think it has a lot to do with the fact that male childrens' toys come with weapons and weapon details and most female childrens' toys come with like, makeup you can also wear. fucked by society !

i decided that my favorite gun is the M16. did you know that the name stands for model 16? i looked at wikipedia.



it's frustrating though because the dudes i'm playing with will be like, "grab the submachine gun ! use your sniper rifle !" and i'm like, "lol?". like, i'm an intelligent person and i would like to learn more about it (i guess i'm more interested in the history of weaponry and how it relates to warfare than like, HEYYY TOTALLY SWEET SHOTGUN BRAH, though) and i find it frustrating that nothing in my childhood prepared me for this. you dropped the ball, ann m. martin ! my brain is full of impractical babysitting tips !



(all joking aside, i think it's a bummer that even as like, a gross nerdy tomboy with a cool older brother and cool mom, gender branding in toys/play/products/books/other media was so intense that i have gaps in knowledge as an adult)

my main plan for this evening is to clean my room and read some chapters for history. i have to meet online with my german professor tonight to test out my internet connection and headset for our class. i'm getting kind of nervous because my history professor said we'd be doing something like that "at the end of the month" but hasn't written again to make appointments, and she comes across as kind of coarse so i don't want to bug her.


viola swamp !

okay. if i post here tomorrow and my room is messy and i haven't done my reading, i want you guys to punch me into little pieces.

p.s. ughhh i just realized i should clean up tonight too cause mike and jeanne are coming over tomorrow ughhhh. maybe i just won't let them in the kitchen?