if you want me to stay

what's up dudes ! yesterday i went to the place across the street from my office and got my eyebrows waxed. my regular place, princess nails, closed in 2008, so i've been an eyebrow nomad and basically just letting them grow out and getting them waxed when i come across a place every few months. i hadn't really done anything since like... february? and i realized that there's a place right across the street from my office, so i went there. the girl did a perfect job and left them huge but neat without trying to thin them, but i also got a really weird vibe from the salon. i don't know how else to explain it but it made me feel uncomfortable ! maybe it's haunted.



after i got home, i sort of cleaned up my room. my mom gets here after work today, so i wanted to drop some towels and bedding off at the laundromat, and also like... make my room presentable because my mom is very into clean houses and i am not and i want to make her proud ! about halfway through i got distracted by the internet, but i did manage to gather up like 2/3 of my laundry, take out a bag of plus size stocking packaging and used tissues, and change my bedding. my goal for this week though is to actually clean my room, since i have a 6 day weekend.



mike came over after that and we went to the grocery store to get dinner- they have a salad bar now and i have been weirdly into "salad bar" as a meal lately- and we watched glee. i want to talk about all my problems with glee now (sorry you got overshadowed, mike):



superficial problems
- this may be a problem with me, but the singing makes me want to die of embarrassment. especially when the boys sing, but ESPECIALLY when the teacher gets all "funky" and raps and shit ! i fast forward through a lot of the songs.
- also, i hate that their itunes success means that every episode has like 10 songs now
- too many main characters with boring stories.
- so um, is glee a club or a class? why does an after school club always end with a bell? why is it in the middle of the day?
- i hate both kiss and lady gaga for the same reasons- really terrible music made by terrible pretentious vapid jerks that people are tricked into liking by cool costumes. an episode with both was too much- at one point i had a pair of scissors poised over my heart ready to die if someone waggled their tongue like gene simmons. i'm writing this from heaven, two times over.

actual problems
- for writers who 'get it' to the point that they deal with the subject matter that they deal with (teen pregnancy, homophobia, bullying, eating disorders), they contradict every message they send either in the same episode or a later episode. apparently the message is that it's okay for the GLEE kids to be different, but the class of sub nerds at the school are TOTAL FREAKS and it's okay to make fat jokes about them or mock them for being 'weird' or uncool or dressing poorly ! like, they have a whole episode about how mercedes is perfect the way she is and she shouldn't give in to pressure to lose weight but every single episode has a fat joke about other girls (goth girls, AV club girl being bartered with for food, etc.). and in the madonna episode about women feeling empowered, the resolution to the guidance counselor's storyline was for a male character to tell her what to do and fix her problems for her.
- also, the message to mercedes was that skinny girls hate themselves too and every woman hates her body so it's okay to feel that way? and that quinn's pregnancy cured her eating disorder? cool guys that's a real thing !
- they pick songs based on literally one line of the song fitting the theme without paying attention to the rest of the lyrics. like, rachel's lifelong dream is to sing with her mother, so they get together and sing... 'pokerface' by lady gaga. i get that it has the line "she's got to love nobody"... but it isn't about a tough familial relationship, it's about... uh, bluffing with your muffin?
- their idea of expressing themselves and being individuals is to... do faithful covers of popular music and ape the style of the artists that performed them? cool message.
- lots of tokenizing. like, suspicious inclusion of 'asian girl', 'black girl', 'disabled person', 'hispanic guy' that hearkens back to an OSHA poster or the burger king kids club



this is reinforced by the fact that no non-white characters get meaningful non-shallow storylines like, ever and all the major drama and strife and "real problems" are given to able-bodied white leads.
- lots of weird slut and whore shaming, with all of the "good" characters abstaining from casual sex or sex at all (rachel, the guidance counselor, etc.)
- i do like how they handle queer teenagers/homophobia (i'll get to that in a second) but their portrayals of queer people has been kind of rigid. like, the gay male is acceptably feminine and just one of the girls and into makeup and fashion and madonna and showtunes (though to be fair, he struggles with accepting this in himself because he feels pressured to be more stereotypically masculine) and the portrayal of queer females is hot bisexual cheerleaders, with kind of bogus jokes about manly women and dykey women, mostly at the expense of the female cheerleading coach (played by jane lynch), who they've gone out of their way to portray as straight.



that said, the speech about homophobia from kurt's dad to finn was one of the best, rightest things i've ever seen on television. i seriously was astounded- i've never ever seen anything like that on prime time television before. if you didn't see it, kurt's dad catches finn yelling at kurt and calling stuff in his room 'faggy', and he in no uncertain terms lets finn know that calling a 'thing' faggy is the same as using that word against people, that homophobia is as unacceptable as racism or any other type of hate/discrimination, and that treating being gay like a joke or a punishable offense is hateful, unacceptable, and wrong. i love the way they've dealt with kurt and his dad, and i love that kurt's character was not written in the tired stereotype of "bitchy fag"- he never says negative, shallow, or hurtful things about womens' bodies or appearances (i'm looking at you, writers of "ugly betty"). of course, they'll probably negate all this by showing a gay bashing of a sub-nerd later but for now it's the best thing about the show.

i can't believe i just talked about glee so much !

uh, i guess in other news i got some leggings at old navy that fit really well. these are them- they run pretty big. the xxl fits me with extra room and i'm probably bigger than anyone reading this ! they are a lot more comfortable than the other leggings i had and don't slide down, so i got four pairs.



this may not seem like a huge deal but my ED stuff has been bad, and i've gained weight and none of my clothes are comfortable anymore, and i feel uncomfortable most of the time. it's nice to wear something that doesn't feel like it's riding up or falling down or constricting me like a boa constrictor.

i'm going to go work on some work so i can head out a little early ! my mom gets here after work and my updates may be sporadic while she's here. i'm really excited, though oddly i'm worried that she won't like me anymore !

p.s. cornholio

go ahead and ask her

hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !!!!! last night i worked on a work project at home, like a dork, and crocheted ! that's like, mostly it ! i had to look up like 50302943 people in our system to make mailing labels for them and i got about half of it out of the way since it's so time-consuming. the actual work isn't time-consuming but our system is so slow that it takes like 5 minutes per person to look them up which is like four hours in internet time.


i can't take credit for this clever graphic

i made it my goal to finish two more granny squares while i cleared our DVR of the simpsons and futurama, but i kept getting distracted and it took longer than i thought. i think it would take like 45 minutes or so to do a granny square if i actually focused but it took me like 900 hours because i kept putting it down. anyway, here's the two new ones:



and here's all four together in case you are too lazy to look at the last entry !



what else? i'm also re-reading the fellowship of the ring, which i haven't read since i was 10-14 (when i read it many, many, many times). i lovedddddddddd these books when i was a kid and, re-reading them, i really regret seeing the movies. i wasn't too crazy about them when they came out, but like, i had everything pictured so vividly in my mind- what everyone looked like, what every place looked like, what every race looked like, etc. and now when i'm reading i just picture this:







i'm especially heartbroken about gollum because the movie gollum is really stupid and gross and i hate him. gandalf and saruman are okay though cause... 1) christopher lee is cool and 2) what else is a wizard going to look like? anyway, it is coloring my re-reading in a way that is bumming me out, because like... i'm an adult, i shouldn't have to think about elijah wood if i don't want to, and it also sucks to lose important magical stuff from your childhood.

i unfortunately have to cut this short because i have a meeting in 20 minutes that i have to prepare for. hayyyy.

p.s. my mom gets here after work tomorrow ! which means i'd better clean my room tonight and maybe drop my laundry off to be washed?

have you seen my portfolio?

hey dogs. this weekend was pretty uneventful, which was cool because my mom will be here this weekend and my birthday is the weekend after !

on friday, christina and i were going to go to a college douche restaurant/bar by our offices called mad mex. they're only really notable because they have vegan dairy stuff for their burritos, they have 22oz cheap margaritas, and all their food is half price after 10. anyway, we had weird bogus chinese food at work for lunch and i felt like garbage, so i ended up at home in an imodium fog.



i ended up taking a nap and then just puttering around the house and hanging out with christina a little before we both went to bed FOR GOOD.

on saturday, christina and i got a car and went to south philly ! we were initially just running errands (grocery shopping/ac moore/home depot) but jeanne had the kitten again so we stopped over to visit jeanne and mike and this little dude:



he's pretty great- he walks around and plays and pounces and meows and falls asleep for no reason while you're holding him. he's also eating real food and pooping ! jeanne decided to come with us to ac moore. i decided to learn to embroider and learn to crochet (i learned a little to make that amigurumi chewbacca) so i could make an afghan, so i got a bunch of supplies in roxy colors.


cheap red heart yarn for the afghan


embroidery floss for... "embroidering a flower"

i have loose plans for the embroidery stuff- i want to embroider some flowers on something? jeanne got some cool paper to go on the backs of her frames, and some sour patch kids ! after that we went to the grocery store and to home depot, where i got something other than neat colored duct tape and raisinettes for once. well, it was just allergy reducer febreze and some keys, and the keys were cut poorly and don't work, but it was okay. a relatively painless trip to a store that instantly makes me feel bored.

when we got home, christina got ready to go to a show at pi lam, and i got ready to sit home and be bored and feel sorry for myself. i didn't realize how dependent on other peoples' company i am- mouse and i have a loose standing hangout for saturday nights, but he was visiting his cool nephew:



and i've grown accustomed to christina keeping me company, so i was a total grumpy baby about having to entertain myself. i mostly looked at granny square patterns, looked at crochet videos on youtube, and taught myself how to make a granny square. i didn't come away with much because i was practicing !

on sunday, i made some granny squares:


i'm going to make a bunch of them and connect them with the dark brown yarn i think

and hung out with christina. later in the day, mouse and i got indian buffet (where i ran into a germophobe in the bathroom !!!!!!!!!) and then went to see bj's band and my friend john from cleveland's band. john and i met online when we were like 17 and we didn't hang out in person until we were 24ish (well, that's how old i was? i just realized that i have no idea how old he is. good friend !!!!). our friendship is mainly based on wayne's world and farting, which is the best kind of friendship.



his band, clan of the cave bear, was really good, and i got to meet his friend/bandmate whose dog i have admired on the internet for years !!! we didn't get to talk too long though because mouse and i left right after they played. the house where the show was is kind of weird and i felt like a dork and a fraud because i was dressed like a nerd.

i only work three days this week because my mom gets here wednesday ! i'm pretty psyched because we have off monday too. my main plans are to make sure my mom has fun. i'm already planning stuff that uh, i'm going to have christina cook for her (i don't really know how to cook meat !). we haven't gotten to talk much in awhile because my mom's busy season at work ends right when mine starts, so it'll be nice to hang out and make fun of law and order with her. she also really loves going to the laundromat so maybe i'll save some dirty clothes.



i have been asking questions about what xbox to buy and like.. i don't even really understand the answers, because lots of nerds are telling me conflicting things. i'm not sure what i need for my... needs. i just want to be able to play games and watch netflix ! that's all !


so many choices

i'm going to wait until my mom leaves though so i don't ignore her for video games.

okay, back to work. i have a bunch of stuff to do today and lots of meetings this week !

p.s. ha ha lost fans !
p.p.s. there were kittens on the roof at the show i went to but i didn't get to pet them

who to talk to

hayyyyy. my work review was glowing yesterday- i appreciate the reassurance. there's no reason it wouldn't be, but that's anxiety for you (sickle cell anxiety). i actually almost cried because my boss was being so nice and appreciative and grateful and really making sure i know that i'm valued here and doing a great job. phew.

last night mouse came over to watch the second half of the weeping angel doctor who. it was okay, i guess? the first part was better. matt smith is slowly growing on me, to the point where i barely laughed when someone showed me a bunch of photos comparing him to frankensteins.



mouse might be busy this weekend hanging out with his nephew (who is super small) so i'm glad i got to see him for a little bit, even if it was being near catatonic in front of a television !

the other thing that happened yesterday is that the skirt i got from old navy arrived. i really desperately want a denim skirt that isn't a pencil skirt and isn't a mini skirt, but i immediately noticed when i got this that it was like five inches long. when i got home and tried it on, i had a minor cathy freakout. it was the largest size i'd ever ordered from old navy (which is saying a lot because all of their clothing is like... 2-3 sizes too big) and i couldn't even get it past my knees. i had a crazy eating disorder freakout like HOLY SHIT FUCK I CAN'T FIT IN HUMAN CLOTHES FUCK MY BRAIN IS SO CRAZY WHAT DO I DO HOW DO I FIX THIS WHAT TO DO...



...and then i realized they sent me the wrong size and the skirt i was trying on was actually 5-6 sizes too small. it will be nice to start eating disorder therapy again where i can tackle the fact that i tried the skirt on and automatically accepted that i was suddenly like 10x bigger than the size i know i wear, but also looked at a skirt that was 5 sizes too small and was like 'that'll fit !'. i know it's probably awkward and not fun for you guys to hear about this stuff, but i think it's important for me to talk about it.

anyway, i sorted it out with them and they're sending me a new skirt, and hopefully this one won't be vagina length and it'll be comfortable. i need something i can theoretically ride a bike in and also bend over in !

what else? i'm trying to pick up some new hobbies since i have so much free time without video games. unfortunately, some of the new hobbies i'm thinking of are other video games. i've been heavily weighing the idea of getting an xbox lately. the games that have been recommended to me are:



- red dead redemption apparently like, grand theft conestoga?
- alan wake - survival horror game
- starcraft 2 - some of my friends play this and i could play on my computer

the only thing i'm really worried about xbox-wise is the learning curve of using the controller. and the expense, but i did just work like 30+ hours of overtime last week. i can also justify the expense because i can watch netflix through it ! i'm undecided still, though.

the other hobby i'm considering taking up is embroidery, since my great aunt taught me a little as a kid, and because i'm very good at hand sewing stuff. jeanne and i were talking about it yesterday (she ASKED if she could hand-embroider me a patch that implied i was in an all-girl castration gang? who needs to ask??). i'm gonna look at some of christina's books this weekend and see what i need to get started.



also despite being kind of burnt out on knitting, i might pick up a few balls of this self-striping sock yarn called "time traveler". look familiar to you?


felici self-striping sock yarn from knitpicks

i think that, plus reading, plus hanging out with christina (and mouse, and jeanne), plus going outside, plus work, will keep me busy til the next wow expansion. or whatever !

in other news, i got a hotel room for my birthday party. i did it last year cause i lived in a studio and it's so cheap, and i'm doing it again this year so friends can stay over and we have room to hang out. it's at a very beautiful hotel downtown



and the room is a one bedroom suite with two double beds, and the livingroom has a sofa and a bunch of comfy chairs, a dining room table with chairs, a full kitchen, and a balcony overlooking the parkway, and it's like... $150 a night? my other plan is to order a bunch of pizzas for the party and that's basically it. i'm pretty excited- nick and sandi are coming, and jess and laszlo are coming !

i don't have a lot of plans this weekend. i may hang out with jeanne, i may hang out with mouse, i may pick up embroidery stuff, i may pick up some stuff at loop, and i may go outside. my main priority is to rest up after reunion + before my mom's visit.

p.s. this took forever to write.
p.p.s. we get free lunch at work today, which is like.. a chinese buffet basically, with lots of vegetarian options ! i wish i liked chinese food more. D:

just me and my baby

what's up dudes ! i had my first iced coffee in weeks (after my early spring cornholioing) and am psyched now ! what's up ! hey !

i didn't update yesterday because i called out of work. reunion finally caught up to me. i called out at 7:30 and went back to sleep and slept until like 2:30, which is a feat for me. i'm not that much of a sleeper and i never sleep that late.



on tuesday night, mouse came over so we could get caught up on doctor who. we watched the first episode of the weeping angel two parter. i was a little bummed because they brought back both the angels and the doctor's wife, which makes me think that this entire season will just be a rehashing of the previous seasons (and like, doctor who involves a certain amount of rehashing by nature, but do they really need to bring back cool original stuff and turn it into the next daleks or cyberman?). that said, the first part was pretty good. the part where amy was in the trailer with the angel video was genuinely scary, and there were some super funny moments.



i'm not really sold on matt smith yet but i'm learning to like him. i thought david tennant did a great job but i was never a HUGE fan or anything, so maybe i'm just overly critical of new doctors.

mouse also seems to be doing well. he apparently is not as bendy as the last time he went to yoga, so i'm not sure WHEN he'll achieve his ultimate yoga goal, which is sucking a gallon of water up his ass.

after that, christina caught up on gossip girl and i tormented her while she watched it, as usual. this time i made a gossip girl twitter for our apartment. it's been a little rough because i've only seen like 5 episodes and i'm usually talking while they're on. now that i've gotten the hang of it though i may have to add mouse into the mix or maybe mention myself because christina and pizza don't really do that much intriguing shit.


the blonde gossip girl is the most beautiful gossip girl of them all

yesterday i slept all day and kind of did nothing all day. i watched some DVR'd futurama (kind of a bummer, i haven't mastered fast forwarding yet so i occasionally see commercials for comedy central stuff and my brain melts a little) and checked out my class schedule for summer online. i haven't been back to school in awhile, is it normal for them to change class times 29382039 times?

i initially signed up for two classes, and my schedule was like this:

MW 6:30pm-8:45pm Elementary German I
TR 6:00pm-7:00pm History of the United States to 1865

that's pretty good, right? four days a week, but only one class per night and only one late night ! but when i checked yesterday, the german class had been changed, so my schedule was:

MTWR 7:30-8:45 Elementary German I
TR 6:00pm-7:00pm History of the United States to 1865

sooooo now the german class is every day, so i have 2 classes per night 2 days a week (which makes those nights a total bust) and one class in the middle of the evening for no reason on the other 2 nights. don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining about a few hours of free school a week, but i was definitely trying to ease myself back in and picked a comfortable, easy schedule that wouldn't immediately ruin the social life i'm pretending i have as the premise of this complaint !

jeez.

before you feel too sorry for me, this is also a six week summer session. and they're online classes so i don't even have to wear pants.

i'm back at work now, finishing a few things up. today is my yearly review and i'm oddly nervous. i know that i've been um, crankier in the past few months, and i've also been uncooperative with my annoying coworker, but i don't think it should be a big deal. probably? since i have extreme anxiety i can only be sure that i am going to get the most fired and most criticized ever, even if i didn't do anything wrong, but it did take me awhile to come up with those two criticisms of my performance. i guess my biggest fear about a review is my boss bringing up a shortcoming i wasn't even aware of? but i can't imagine that if i was truly fucking up, she wouldn't have talked to me already.



that picture reminds me that i was talking to my aunt about my anxiety a couple of years ago, which i referred to as cyclical anxiety, and she said it sounded just like her. and also now refers to it as her sickle cell anxiety by accident.

p.s. will one of you tell me what happens on lost when it's over so i don't have to watch it?

under the milky way

hang on i'm so hungry i'm going to die !

okay. last night was my first night of having a real life. i realized pretty early that i was being kind of melodramatic and that most of my freakout was definitely due to birth control issues, but i still felt a little bit of residual sadness. mouse was back from tour, so i went over to his house to welcome him back. i stopped at milk and honey on the way, which is this ridiculously expensive yuppie store that sells locally grown stuff for way too much fucking money and is kind of ridiculous and inaccessible since it's like, one block away from an economically depressed area. haha.



don't get me wrong, they have a lot of like beautiful delicious-looking fresh local food and the people who work there are nice, it's just a really odd placement of a store- like, i'm doing pretty well and i can barely afford to shop there. a handful of random greens is like $10. a carton of eggs is like $7. anyway, whatever, i went there and got a sandwich for dinner because there's not much else between my house and mouse's. i got a thai tofu hoagie which was um... some greens, like 3 pieces of tofu, and... guacamole? on the hardest roll of all time for all those squishy ingredients. for $7.


THIS is how you make a tofu hoagie (tofu bahn mi from fu wah)

i theoretically support what they're doing, but it's definitely like... an exclusive rich people place in a non-rich neighborhood. whatever, i guess it's a business, but it's just kind of an odd alienating presence at 45th and baltimore.

anyway enough about that place ! p.s. i also got a hank's root beer. but really, enough ! i got to mouse's and he regaled me with tales from tour- just fyi, when he hugged a naked lady, that wasn't a euphemism- a naked lady gave him a hug at a warehouse they were playing. it sounds like he had a pretty good time, and it was good to see him, but i was feeling kind of anxious and tired so i didn't stay too long.

when i got home, i didn't really know what to do with myself ! christina was in bed, so i watched some simpsons episodes on DVR and my friend perry and i shared our favorite poems with each other. that is not as dumb or nerdy as it sounds ! my two favorites are cascando by samuel beckett and the love song of j. alfred prufrock by t.s. eliot. i forgot what his favorites are cause i am self-absorbed !



my only real goal for last night when i got home was to buy a new yoga mat. SOMEONE (mouse) got hot sauce all over my last one (because i left a bottle of hot sauce perched on the edge of an end table and left my yoga mat on the floor). i was much happier when i was doing yoga regularly- not for the relaxation factor because i basically never relax, but because i'm very impressed with how stretchy and bendy i am and it made my body feel good. i think i may have given my yoga dvd away though, so anyone have any recommendations? remember that i'm fat, but flexible.



i guess i'm doing okay. i miss my wow friends already, but not having the pressure to be home to raid tonight is pretty stellar ! mouse is coming over to catch up on doctor who (incidentally, after he goes to yoga).

the next few weeks are going to be super busy. my mom is coming to visit next week (and i have some time off of work !), my friend john from cleveland's band is playing here next weekish (i think?), my BIRTHDAY is right after that, and then um... then i can go back to being bored and anxious, probably. or maybe i will have snapped out of it at that point.

it's taken me forever to get this written today because i have so much leftover crud from reunion !

p.s. there's a BABY at work for me to look at !
p.p.s. i'm really proud of myself for making myself go out spontaneously last night, in the RAIN. i NEVER go out in the rain !

i'm free

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it's over ! it's finally over ! i had to work all weekend, which is kind of a bummer, because i'm already back at work and i feel like i just left work. on thursday we set everything up, and registration opened on friday. we were in a new building with much more space, but there were some logistical problems there (like, we had to use their wireless, which blew, and WE had a lot less room because of how the tables were set up), but it ended up being okay. generally the registration team are cool people (not a coincidence, since i have to be there with them all weekend and pick the team based on who i'd want to hang out with for 25 hours). i was there til 10pm, but we had free food and a good pandora playlist which was basically like a really good oldies station, so it wasn't too bad.



on saturday, i worked from 7 to 6:30, which was kind of brutal. saturday was super, super, super busy and that was the day we had some difficult people. i think everything worked out okay, but registration closed at 4pm and people were hounding me until 6:30, chasing me down while i was carrying big armloads of stuff and big awkward sign posts, etc. i thought i would never get out of there and i was super exhausted ! but at a quarter to 7 i headed home and met up with christina, who was also exhausted from volunteering at a girls rock philly related event and hanging out with amber at art star. so jealous ! if i wasn't working i definitely would have gone.



we both decided to "take a nap" at 9pm and we both woke up at 4am. we IM'd each other for a minute, and then christina went back to sleep. i ended up sleeping from 7am-11am or so. jeez. i guess i took for granted the amount that a few extra hours of sleep on saturday morning counts since i didn't get it that day.

when we got up, i leveled solanas to 60 and did part of zul'gurub with paul. i've never really seen any of the bosses besides the raptor and tiger bosses so that was kinda cool ! then christina and i went to target. i wasn't really sure if i needed anything, but i thought i'd check out their plus size section because i saw a few cute/wearable things online. guess what though, guys ! the plus size section was 2 racks of clothing, unmarked, in the middle of maternity. it was like 3 cardigans, a sundress, 4 pairs of stretch pants, and maybe one ugly rayon dress?


above: some bullshit

i might actually like... write them a letter about it? philadelphia is a fat city, and there was like 2309823 fat people at target, and i think if they actually had all of the nice stuff they have online in the store, attractively presented and marked with a sign, people would buy it? the target on delaware avenue is kind of a mess anyway, but like... why should a maternity section be so expansive compared to a plus size section? so many more people are fat than pregnant. and why should the plus size section be in the center of maternity? i did buy this dress online from them last week with a gift card, and i hope it works out:



we also went to the grocery store, and then came home and chilled out for a little bit. i guess the most exciting thing (if exciting is the right word) is that i guess i'm quitting warcraft. my last friend who played (who i played with most often) canceled his account and uninstalled the game, and there isn't really much for me to do now


RIP harridan

i have very mixed mostly bad emotions about this right now because like... that's what i did to avoid all of my real life problems ! and now i don't have an excuse/crutch anymore ! like, i really really do genuinely enjoy playing, but i did play slightly more than i'd be naturally inclined to because it was like... something to do where i was interacting with friends but didn't have to leave the house. i'm not even sure how to talk about it because people are so weird about warcraft (like, somehow think it's nerdier than other video games or that people get ADDICTED !!!!!!!!! to it and a couple in china let their baby DIE while they were playing and omgomgomgomg) but the reality is that it's like... a video game that is fun, and everyone plays video games.

full disclosure, though i hate discounting my feelings because of hormones- i actually forgot to take my birth control for 3 days so i think i'm having a uh, heightened emotional reaction. i'm bummed that i won't get to talk to those friends as much, if at all, and i'm bummed that i'm going to have all of this dangerous time to think about eating disorder stuff and general weird hide-y feelings where i want to stay in my house all the time.



and not to segue from my crappy year of depression to OMG HAYYYYY but while i was at work this weekend, the bottom of my rootote split. after looking for a similarly huge bag online and not finding anything i loved (annnnnd not wanting to pay $45 for another rootote- i got my other one for $14.99), christina offered to make me a tote bag. she let me pick out fabric from her... fabrics, and i picked these:


green corduroy outside


this amy butler stuff inside

i'm pretty excited because the bags she makes are the shit. if she has time, she's going to make some to sell, and i'll let you dogs know what the deal is.

list of things i can do instead of being a hermit
- hang out with christina more
- hang out with mouse more and GO TO HIS HOUSE
- ride my bike and go outside more
- make new girlfriends
- go look at the dogs at the dog bowl
- do stuff like read and knit, but OUTSIDE
- volunteer somewhere

okay, i'm going to go because i have a ton of stuff to do today- it's taken me like three hours to write this cause i keep getting interrupted ! bleh !

p.s. big ups to christina for lending me her blanky and alpaca when i was crying last night !
p.p.s. jeanne and mouse are both back today and i'm soooooooooooo psyched. jeanne saw so many good animals in colombia and apparently, according to text, mouse "hugged a naked lady".

the absurdity of plus size clothing

"you know you want to fuck a toucan. it's every man's dream."

xoxo, dracula

ahhhh i left my cellphone at home today ! i don't know why i've been so forgetful about it lately- weirdest.

yesterday i worked late and cleaned up the kitchen when i got home. christina like... deep cleaned the floors and stove over the weekend so it was like literally the least i could do. i made hamburger helper with veggie crumbles (aka salt with salt) and hung out in the livingroom and answered some work e-mails. sounds exciting, right?



the big intrigue last night was that pizza wasn't acting like herself and we were getting super worried ! she was walking kind of low to the ground and refusing to get on the couch with us and kind of sadly crouching on the ground. she even did a mournful meow ! i checked her out and she didn't seem to have any sore spots, her belly wasn't hard, uh, her b-hole looked okay, her ears were clean, her nose was cold and wet, and she was eating and drinking and pooping, but seriously she was acting really weird !



after awhile, and with the help of the internet, we ascertained that she is probably hunting a mouse or a bug and it has her on edge. mama's little baby !

i decided not to raid so i could spend some quality time with christina and get some work done. we spent most of the night being worked up and hysterical and making fun of what not to wear which included christina saying, "oh my god, what if stacy london was a cat?" and me conjecturing that maybe pizza's soul was in our bodies and our souls were in hers. that isn't a thing that happens though !

after that, i leveled my priest a little bit. we're already almost level 50 because the refer a friend bonus is such an insane cheat- we get 3x xp for turning in quests if we're near each other. paul is just running us through dungeons and stuff with one of his alts- we've essentially done almost no real quests so far.


adelita and solanas, hanging out with their friend, the horde cloth quartermaster

we have another set to level to 60 (we each referred each other), but that may have to wait until after this event is over. i'm really enjoying it so far because i barely have to do anything.

i have to go do a training for registration for this event now buhhhhhhh talk to you later !

i become the nightman

i have very little time to update today ! yesterday i didn't do anything because i was feeling the pain of life. that's melodramatic, i was just kind of tired. i took a nap and had a dream i was remote-piloting a car but the screen was too small and i kept running people over and killing them, so i was despondent all night. i leveled my priest a little bit (we got to like.. 46?) and did some reading.

i ended up finishing the evolution of calpurnia tate. i thought it was a little cloying at first but i ended up really loving it.



it's about an 11 year old girl in texas in 1899 who lives a fairly comfortable life in a wealthy household. she starts hanging out with her grandfather, who she'd never really paid much attention to, and he teaches her about evolution and science and the scientific method and they hang out observing nature and being naturalists and collecting samples and doing experiments, which leads to her feeling trapped by the obligations and expectations placed on women and female children at the time. the book was super sweet and funny, and all of the interactions between the kids seemed totally realistic and natural, and i appreciate that the author didn't rely on any kind of emotionally manipulative plot twists or totally unrealistic but satisfying conclusions. she did play fast and loose with texas history and natural science but i don't think it would be particularly distracting if you didn't already know what she changed.



i guess the thing that struck me was that the utter hopelessness the main character feels about the future that is prescribed to her as a woman (marriage, babies, housekeeping, limited career choices) still rings true for female children in 2010. what a bummer. like, i do acknowledge that we've come a long way since then, but women are still devalued and dismissed in many professions, discouraged away from math and "hard" sciences and technology, and judged constantly by their perceived value based on their success in obtaining a male partner and their reproductive choices. blehhhh. i do like the idea of books like this that provide a glimmer of hope and a relatable character for female children who don't feel like they fit in or are uncomfortable with pressure to conform.

i have a million meetings today, but i ordered pizza for one (SIX pizzas ! two plain, two pepperoni, one sausage, and one mushroom ! the mushroom one is for meeeeeeeee) (but all pizza in west philly is greek pizza so it's gross and offends my italian tastebuds !). it's been a surprisingly quiet week at work, but i don't feel rushed or backed up and i may not need to stay late every single day this week !


excited pizza designed by natalie dee. used without permission !!!

back to work i guess. i will be assembling badges with a couple of other people who love gruntwork until 2:30 and then i have to prepare badges for speakers, answer 9 million voicemails, update registrations, and make a checklist to make sure i'm bringing all the materials i need to the site on thursday. i don't know if i'll have time to update tomorrow so you guys may be left with this stupid entry for DAYS.