Friday, May 21, 2010

who to talk to

hayyyyy. my work review was glowing yesterday- i appreciate the reassurance. there's no reason it wouldn't be, but that's anxiety for you (sickle cell anxiety). i actually almost cried because my boss was being so nice and appreciative and grateful and really making sure i know that i'm valued here and doing a great job. phew.

last night mouse came over to watch the second half of the weeping angel doctor who. it was okay, i guess? the first part was better. matt smith is slowly growing on me, to the point where i barely laughed when someone showed me a bunch of photos comparing him to frankensteins.


mouse might be busy this weekend hanging out with his nephew (who is super small) so i'm glad i got to see him for a little bit, even if it was being near catatonic in front of a television !

the other thing that happened yesterday is that the skirt i got from old navy arrived. i really desperately want a denim skirt that isn't a pencil skirt and isn't a mini skirt, but i immediately noticed when i got this that it was like five inches long. when i got home and tried it on, i had a minor cathy freakout. it was the largest size i'd ever ordered from old navy (which is saying a lot because all of their clothing is like... 2-3 sizes too big) and i couldn't even get it past my knees. i had a crazy eating disorder freakout like HOLY SHIT FUCK I CAN'T FIT IN HUMAN CLOTHES FUCK MY BRAIN IS SO CRAZY WHAT DO I DO HOW DO I FIX THIS WHAT TO DO...

old navy

...and then i realized they sent me the wrong size and the skirt i was trying on was actually 5-6 sizes too small. it will be nice to start eating disorder therapy again where i can tackle the fact that i tried the skirt on and automatically accepted that i was suddenly like 10x bigger than the size i know i wear, but also looked at a skirt that was 5 sizes too small and was like 'that'll fit !'. i know it's probably awkward and not fun for you guys to hear about this stuff, but i think it's important for me to talk about it.

anyway, i sorted it out with them and they're sending me a new skirt, and hopefully this one won't be vagina length and it'll be comfortable. i need something i can theoretically ride a bike in and also bend over in !

what else? i'm trying to pick up some new hobbies since i have so much free time without video games. unfortunately, some of the new hobbies i'm thinking of are other video games. i've been heavily weighing the idea of getting an xbox lately. the games that have been recommended to me are:

this is an xbox right?

- red dead redemption apparently like, grand theft conestoga?
- alan wake - survival horror game
- starcraft 2 - some of my friends play this and i could play on my computer

the only thing i'm really worried about xbox-wise is the learning curve of using the controller. and the expense, but i did just work like 30+ hours of overtime last week. i can also justify the expense because i can watch netflix through it ! i'm undecided still, though.

the other hobby i'm considering taking up is embroidery, since my great aunt taught me a little as a kid, and because i'm very good at hand sewing stuff. jeanne and i were talking about it yesterday (she ASKED if she could hand-embroider me a patch that implied i was in an all-girl castration gang? who needs to ask??). i'm gonna look at some of christina's books this weekend and see what i need to get started.


also despite being kind of burnt out on knitting, i might pick up a few balls of this self-striping sock yarn called "time traveler". look familiar to you?

time traveler
felici self-striping sock yarn from knitpicks

i think that, plus reading, plus hanging out with christina (and mouse, and jeanne), plus going outside, plus work, will keep me busy til the next wow expansion. or whatever !

in other news, i got a hotel room for my birthday party. i did it last year cause i lived in a studio and it's so cheap, and i'm doing it again this year so friends can stay over and we have room to hang out. it's at a very beautiful hotel downtown

and the room is a one bedroom suite with two double beds, and the livingroom has a sofa and a bunch of comfy chairs, a dining room table with chairs, a full kitchen, and a balcony overlooking the parkway, and it's like... $150 a night? my other plan is to order a bunch of pizzas for the party and that's basically it. i'm pretty excited- nick and sandi are coming, and jess and laszlo are coming !

i don't have a lot of plans this weekend. i may hang out with jeanne, i may hang out with mouse, i may pick up embroidery stuff, i may pick up some stuff at loop, and i may go outside. my main priority is to rest up after reunion + before my mom's visit.

p.s. this took forever to write.
p.p.s. we get free lunch at work today, which is like.. a chinese buffet basically, with lots of vegetarian options ! i wish i liked chinese food more. D:


  1. I always wanted to embroider! My mom's friend has one of those fancy sewing machines where you can insert some disc with an embroidery pattern on it, set up the thread and fabric, hit a button, and five minutes later it's done. It seems way more fun to just do it by hand...

    I'm so excited to come for your birthday party!! Getting a hotel suite is such a good idea!

  2. that sounds crazy ! i bet it's convenient but imagine giving someone something you embroidered on that and having to be like 'a robot did it lol' instead of 'i made this for you' !

    i'm soooo excited to hang out with you again

  3. "i know it's probably awkward and not fun for you guys to hear about this stuff, but i think it's important for me to talk about it."

    man i'm really glad you talk about this stuff. i keep trying to write...something...because things have been a struggle lately for me, but i get stuck and ashamed like 'oh god my problems are too embarrassing to talk about.' but they are not and no one's eating disorder is an embarassment and it's nice when people acknowledge them as a real, impactful thing rather than like, a secret private shameful scarlet letter. luv u.

  4. thanks, brooke <3 i also think it's important that my real life friends who i may not talk to about this much get some kind of insight about it in a way that isn't directly confrontational, because not knowing what to say in situations like that is the worst.

  5. another awesome xbox game that i think you might like is fallout 3!

  6. jen ! i appresh the recommendashe !

  7. oh i meant to say re: x boxes - i really like the silent hill games because they combine my favorite game stuff: terror and puzzle-solving. they legitimately scare the fucking shit out of me (especially second and fourth ones! the first and third ones are kinda crap i think) but i am also scared of like...wolfenstein. so.


  9. Oooh which one was it? I think The Room (#4) might be the scariest to me. one time i played the second one when i was home alone and i got too scared and had to hide the console under some couch cushions until my roommate came back home :[

  10. Netflix on the Xbox is a REVELATION. Also, I second Jen's suggestion of Fallout. You may also like Bioshock, but if you were creeped out by Silent Hill (me too), maybe not? (I actually can't say "Bioshock" out loud because the game is so eerie; instead I call it "Rainbows.")

    Jeanne already seems like the coolest and is somehow even cooler in light of the castration gang thing.

    And like Brooke said, I'm glad you're talking about ED stuff. While EDs by their nature are personal, talking about them is important; it helps to demystify EDs and opens a dialogue about something that's common but people think is rare because they're too "polite" or whatever to talk about it. Not sure I'm articulating myself well, but keep doing what you're doing and taking care of yourself.