- my back still hurts ! the pain completely transported to my right leg, though, and it hurts for an hour in the morning and then goes away, but that hour in the morning blows.
- i'm getting over a cold (this hasn't actually been a bad cold- i just have a runny nose)
- we have back to back events at work today and tomorrow so the last week at work has been hectic and shitty
- i have an unreasonable amount of reading to do for school. like, no clue how i'll actually get it all done.
- my apartment is messy and i have zero time to clean it and it's stressing me out (all my mess !)
- cannot get the new patch to work in WoW (it downloaded but crashes every time i try to start the game)
- last night i suddenly realized that my dad is dead? he died in june, and i was more than likely never, ever going to talk to him ever again, but it didn't occur to me that he was gone from earth forever until 3am.
- i haven't really had time to hang out with anyone. i saw mouse and christina for like 10 minutes total last night but that's it.
- wahhhhhhhh.
i feel like this, without a wang
i'm super stressed and not being able to bend over is like.. a huge life hinderance? if you have a kitten who is being litter trained and knocks everything onto the floor and you need to put on stockings for work and and you want to like... fucking bend over ! it's definitely getting better every day but i want it to be better now so i can function as a human.
tonight i have my genocide class, which i missed last week, and we're talking about rwanda. i've been reading we wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families by philip gurevitch, and it's (so far) a really good read. i don't actually know enough about the case to know what i think of it as an actual study of genocide, but i assume i'll find out tonight. so far it has really driven home the horror and devastation of what happened without being emotionally manipulative- like, i think i would classify it as emotionally effective. i guess most of the criticisms are that it is more emotional than critical, but since i have supplemental material to read with it, that doesn't bother me.
i actually am just going to post this without trying to put neat positive stuff in it cause i'm so stressed and grumpy and sick and grumpy and stressed !!!!
p.s. new hampshire this weekend? weird, i never go anywhere.
I'm sorry everything's so poopy right now. It sounds like you have a problem with your sciatic nerve (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sciatic_nerve). I think an orthopedic doctor helps with this (?) from what I looked up briefly on the interweb.
ReplyDelete"- last night i suddenly realized that my dad is dead? he died in june, and i was more than likely never, ever going to talk to him ever again, but it didn't occur to me that he was gone from earth forever until 3am."
ReplyDeleteI had a weirdly similar thing happen when my father died, who I also wasn't really speaking with. At one point later on I realized that it wasn't just a continuation of "not talking" - initially I thought it would just be "same old" even though he'd actually pass. Because how can a relationship that's not there actually change with a passing?
But after a while the severity of it hit me - if I ever wanted to try to change the relationship (wise or misguided), I no longer had the option. I no longer had the option of asking him what I wanted (family history, his assumedly-truncated thoughts, etc.) and I no longer had the option of telling him what I'd want (TBD).
And that any change in my opinion of him would now come through a shift in me, vs a shift in "us".
Anyway. I hope you feel better very very soon!