cool thoughts on the present situation

first ! christine, brooke, and i started our history blog, cool thoughts. the name is based on a document brooke and i saw at the benjamin franklin underground museum called cool thoughts on the present situation of our public affairs (authored by one benjamin franklin, alias mrs. silence dogood), and the blog is woefully located on tumblr because the name "cool thoughts" is literally taken everywhere else, and is mostly parked domains or blogs of like, "confucious say..." shit and doors quotes. alas ! anyway, the purpose of the blog is for us to post anything we are reading about or interested in throughout history, in any format, whenever we want. if you'd like to contribute something (anything !), please send it to coolthoughts@nervous.org.



one of my main goals here is to get comfortable talking about things i know about< without the crippling fear of being wrong or considered "not smart enough"- this is a problem many people have, i'm sure, but women specifically are made to feel intellectually inferior or like they have to apologize for or soften their opinions. it may not seem like i have a big problem with this if you know me, but it's something i struggle with every day- especially in regard to my lack of formal education.

what else ! i've been taking an ill-advised break from reading for the past few days because my brain needed a break, which means i'm going to have to really and sincerely bust ass all weekend to get everything done. i have a research proposal, a few essays, and a rough draft for my genocide paper due. i'm actually waiting for my professor's feedback for the rough draft- she's really awesome but can be a little slow with stuff over e-mail, and our class meeting is canceled this week. anyway, i've been mostly farting around watching simpsons dvds, and it's been... heavenly.


i only have seasons 5-9

i also ended up breaking down and buying cataclysm, the next world of warcraft expansion. i am waffling about whether or not i want to play- like, i just don't have time for wow anymore with school, and i have mixed feelings about the new 10 man raiding structure. like, i love the dudes (and two women) i play with, but i often found myself being the 11th man when 10 mans were forming up previously. i'm not the most amazing player, but i was better than some other people who were chosen, and that was because i had a lot of personality conflicts with some shitty random norms in the guild (like a handful of idiot privilege denyin' dudes who wanted to be able to call women bitches and stuff). luckily those dudes were sort of phased out or alienated (by me !) so there's a small chance things will be different now, but who knows? yesterday was a patch day, and the world was ripped apart and orgrimmar was redesigned, and everything honestly looks pretty cool. i also saved the name astralweeks for a goblin shaman. sigh. i really like this fucking game, who am i kidding.



what else ! oh ! nick and sandi are coming today ! sandi told me not to eat anything in anticipation of a family dinner? which is exciting and also easy to do because i'm only at work for 3 hours today and i forgot to bring lunch and also i have zero groceries that aren't thanksgiving ingredients (actually i have some trader joe's burritos i guess). i'm excited to see them because it's been figuratively forever. also i get to bro down with christina, who just got back from san francisco.

my plans for the break? cooking, hanging out, thanksgiving with jeanne and mike, reading, writing, agonizing, procrastinating, simpsons, history, internet. i gotta get some work done in my last 30 minutes at work, though, so.. ttyl. happy thanksgiving !

i'll never tell

dudes. i'm so far ahead on my reading for genocide class ! and by "ahead" i mean i am exactly where i should be. i've gotten into the habit of procrastinating all week and then panicking and trying to read everything/write everything wednesday night or thursday at lunch, and right now i read a whole book and one chapter and just need to read an article and another chapter. i'm psyched to read the article because my professor wrote it and i think she's a genius.

i went on a really exciting shopping spree yesterday, in which i purchased mostly books for $0.01 on amazon and a pair of sensible shoes. books first !


mass rape, ed. andrea stiglmayer


rape warfare by beverly allen


gender & catastrophe, ed. rohit lentin


a problem from hell: america in the age of genocide by samantha power


eichmann in jerusalem: a report on the banality of evil by hannah arendt


regarding the pain of others by susan sontag

remember how like five months ago i read nothing but young adult novels? most of these are either for the paper i'm writing or have been recommended to me or cited in several other things i've read. this should be a super fun thanksgiving !

i also uh, got a pair of saddle shoes. my friend sarah got a pair of bass enfields in brown and i decided to give up and be a total herb. i hope they're comfortable and don't look weird on my big, impressive feet (i had to put "impressive" in there so it didn't sound like i was disparaging my feet- they're useful and i'm glad they're big, for balance !)



what else? yesterday i went to penn's library for the first REAL time- i've had to look at periodicals there before, and use computer stuff, but i've never really gone um, into the stacks. i actually started panicking a little bit because the library is so fucking big. the library is like.. a block long, and there's just shelf after shelf after shelf of books ! that seems like it would be a total paradise for a terminal bookworm but it was so empty and so big and i felt like a monster was going to start chasing me or a creepy person would appear and say "may i help you" and startle me (both equally scary to me).



that's just in one direction and it's just as long in the other direction and there's like 6 floors of that !!!!! scariest. also it was full of young rich teenagers which is scary for other reasons.

when i got home, we attempted to do ICC, but it didn't work out- some people were having problems zoning in (oh i just started talking about warcraft like it's a real thing and you guys care about it) and some people were grumpy, so we postponed it until thursday. i did some pvp with gavin, josh, and rachel, but i really suck at pvp and mostly just wanted to talk to them cause i like them. and get some poison on some jerks.


harridan

so today- work, writing essays, class. reading. i'm meeting a classmate about... something? at 2pm today. she said we should "get together" and she said it with such authority that i was like, "oh, okay" except i don't know why we would get together. we're both pretty far behind in our writing class, so i think we may have to team up to peer review each others' late work. i was just about to write out a rant about this class but i realized that i already posted that rant on monday. in the beginning of the semester, i couldn't understand my classmates' ire and lack of cooperativeness and now i'm just like, "GOD FUCK THIS CLASS I FUCKING HATE IT, GODDDD FUCK IT I HATE IT."

p.s. i hate it for real.
p.p.s. i HEARD TELL that we may only have to take one critical writing seminar now instead of 2 to graduate? the women in my class were talking about it but i was half-listening, because the class is sucking the life out of me and i can't even make myself listen to gossip.

oh how happy you have made me

blahhhh hi ! class last night was kind of rough- this week we were covering settler genocides and specifically aboriginal child removal in australia, so we watched rabbit proof fence, a movie based on a true story of three "half-caste" (of indigenous australian and european descent) girls who were taken from their indigenous australian parents and put in a "school" (to be trained as servants and bred with europeans to "breed out the black"), who later escaped and walked 1000 miles home.



it was a great movie and it was brutally sad, and of course i was the only one crying. i'm not sure what is up with like, the dead-eyed unsympathetic generation that i'm going to school with? anyway, i have to write a paper for this class, and i'm thinking about doing something about gendercide. i got gendercide and genocide by adam jones, and gendercide by mary warren. i also have some other books already that may be relevant (rape of nanking for one). wish me luck !



sooo what else, besides genocide? i came home from school and remembered i had to raid. our plan was to kill the lich king, buttttt we kept wiping on sindragosa. we don't have a ringer group right now since no one is really playing, so it wasn't an ideal set up, and paul was cranky because the padres blew it.



oh, also ! ALSO !!! tonight i'm picking up my new kitten. hannah was fostering her, and she dropped her off with jeanne last night to babysit (since i had class), so i'm going to get her after work. according to jeanne, she enjoys playing and eating and putting her paws on you.



i'm excited ! and a little nervous. it's been a long time since i had a kitten.

weekend? hanging out with mouse (i feel like i've barely seen him lately), going to linvilla orchards (unless the weather blows?), hanging hard, doing homework.

consider this the hint of the century

class was great last night ! i was nervous because i hadn't finished the book, but i ended up being able to answer every question she asked. unfortunately, i became the old person who talks too much in class, but it makes me feel awkward when people don't raise their hands so i always blurt something out. we had a pretty good discussion about genocide in darfur, and the problems with mahmood mamdani's book, and we watched the devil came on horseback, which was pretty interesting in contrast to mamdani's work. we also had a pretty good class discussion about the investigation and results that led to the US calling it genocide (janjaweed identifying themselves as "arabs" [even if that is not technically true, as mamdani points out] and identifying their victims as "africans", stating that their intent was to kill all africans, systematic use of rape of men and women, killing children and babies, killing livestock, poisoning water, breaking cooking pots in villages, only attacking "african" villages, etc.) in contrast to mamdani's insistence that the genocide distinction wasn't accurate.

the documentary is primarily about brian steidle, a US marine who took a job in sudan to monitor the ceasefire, and ended up documenting the genocide in darfur and trying desperately to get someone to intervene. it is currently available on netflix instant viewing if you want to watch it !



i also got an A+ on my first paper !!! i'm pretty excited and i'm excited to get into this week's reading- too bad i have homework for my writing class too. blehhh.

after class, i um, got taco bell for dinner (a horrible tradition i have started, since i get out of class at 9 on thursdays... across from a taco bell) and came home to raid for the first time in months. i have to say, i've really missed some of my guildmates (i mean, they're people i talk to anyway, but i enjoy playing with them) but i really fucking hate icecrown citadel. maybe it's because we did it so many times so recently? but it's so flat and tedious and boring. the only fight i really like is the bloodqueen, because i get to turn into a vampire.



that said, with the 30% raid buff we basically one shot everything and we only have that dragon guy and the lich king left. we're going to try it again next thursday. i have to say though- with school and everything, losing four hours of my life to a video game kind of sucked? before i knew it, it was 1am, and i didn't have time to do any reading or anything. i don't know if this means i won't go back for cataclysm (i probably will. haha) or what, though. i AM interested in being a goblin.


most accurately, i wish i could be a warhammer goblin, pictured left

ahh, the weekend ! tomorrow i'm going to watch the phillies game with mouse, nate, and anna- we also have plans to order pizza from ed's, a place in west philly that serves vegan pizza made with daiya, which i've never had-



though i'm disturbed that their vegan pizza description says: Dairy-free Daiya cheese, cholestrol free, Eggless dough. A perfect blend of vegan italian shred and a vegan cheddar shred. cheddar cheese on a damn pizza?

on sundayyyyy we're going to an old timey baseball game in delaware with kati ! i'm not exactly sure what that entails. probably mustaches.

also on the agenda this weekend:
- doing my writing class homework which means finishing huckleberry finn, writing a justificatory essay (whatever that is), and writing an analysis of the second chapter of beyond the culture wars.
- dropping my laundry off TONIGHT
- cleaning my room
- starting my genocide reading
- going grocery shopping maybe?

hold me to it ! hold me to it ! okay i'm gonna go eat a sandwich.

fall back to stone

one work thing that stresses me out a little- i have a coworker friend (like, we enjoy each others' company at work but are not friendly outside of work, as it should be) who, over the past 3 or 4 years that we've worked together, somehow got the idea that i'm into old movies/kitsch/pop culture. i have never had the heart to tell him i'm not, or that i don't quite get his references. i was born in 1982. unless carol channing was a ninja turtle, i don't know who that is. when you mention charles nelson reilly, i think you mean this guy:



yesterday i had class, which was slightly annoying- the conservative person who announced she was conservative apropos of nothing once again displayed that she doesn't actually know that conservative as a word has meanings outside of politics, and the departmental slides our professor had to show us seemed... confusing? like, i copied them down but i have no idea what they were really about.

after work, i went to green line to try to do some reading- i was doing okay for awhile, but some older dude with a giant stack of newspapers came in and started... tearing the newspapers up? and rustling the newspapers. i know a coffee shop isn't my office and i could just read at home, but i think the ultimate thing you can just do at home is tear up some newspapers. i ended up going home again. i read about 100 pages, and then i gave up- i know that kind of sucks, but i'm just really not into this book. we have to turn in ten response papers over 13 weeks, and we can skip any 3 weeks we want, and i think i'm going to skip this week. i think i have a decent understanding of what he was trying to say, and i read all the other material, but i just couldn't get through that book.



it's weird because i love tedious histories, and i didn't know much about the history of sudan before, but there was just something that wasn't clicking for me with his interpretation of sudan's history. i ended up reading a few other sources about the history of sudan instead to better understand the conflict because i couldn't get through his. i'm bummed though, i hate not being prepared for class and i especially hate not finishing a book.

i also need to work on not being so easily distracted. the following things were all more interesting to me than studying last night:

- a video about how to put on a female condom, which was linked from
- a video of some ice skater guy skating to "sex bomb", which i found through
- a discussion about how "slow hand" by the pointer sisters is a gross song to sing with your sisters.
- a text message conversation with mouse about our favorite jiu jitsu people, which turned into a conversation about joe rogan?
- the wikipedia for troll dolls (called GONKS in the uk)
- looking at nail polish on amazon
- trying to untangle a knot in my hair by hand



class tonight, and then... possibly trying to kill the lich king? our guild kind of petered out over the summer so most of us have never killed him, but there was talk of some of the wow dudes i actually like wanting to try it out tonight.



who knows, though? none of us really care and i don't think we have any tanks lined up. okay, back to work !

i hear the mermaids singing, each to each

hey buddies. right now i'm uncomfortable because my dress keeps riding up and my butt is touching my chair. at least this makes it very funny when other people sit at my desk.

my week is a little bit more calm now- i've done all my major assignments until after class tonight so i can have a day of relaxation... at work. i'm KIND OF getting the hang of the cases because of a helpful comment left on my blog last night, but i'm going to have to make myself a cheat sheet for the future. last night we learned how to say things in past tense. one thing that was making me uncomfortable is that we had to watch and answer questions about this song, "ich bin nackt," and one of the lines is basically "my neighbor sees my tits" and our professor keptttttttt asking us, "what does her neighbor see???"



after class, i somehow persuaded paul to kill attumen with me in karazhan, despite the fact that he hatesssssssss doing that stuff. i've never really done kara, but i do attumen every week to try to get his mount.



after that we messed around in there a little to see what other bosses we could kill- we killed the lady who is kind of like freya and consecrates all the time, some rich guy having a dinner party, and romulo and julianne. one part of kara is an opera house, and you have a chance of getting one of three 'plays' as a fight- big bad wolf, wizard of oz, or romeo and juliet. that fight was pretty funny and romantic- the spells julianne casts are eternal affection, powerful attraction, blinding passion, and devotion.



then i played resident evil 5 with ken ! unfortunately, his headset was messing up or something so i couldn't hear him, so we just gave up halfway through- it was really scary though, we had to go through a mine with only a little bit of light and there were gross zombies everywhere. we also ran into the aforementioned irving, but he was whisked away by a lady in a cape (cathy????). it was okay, but the best part of playing games with ken is talking to him so i gave up.



i understand that listening to other people talk about video games is boring but yesterday was the first time in a few days that i've been able to zone out and do stupid shit instead of concentrating on school or work ! no court would convict me !

oh, i pre-ordered mockingjay, the next (and purportedly last?) book in the hunger games series. i was so so so utterly disappointed by catching fire though that my expectations are pretty low. if you haven't read the books, they're about a bleak future where the US is separated into impoverished districts based on production of goods, by a tyrannical oppressive government. to keep the people in line and entertain the rich people in the capitol, two kids from each district are chosen in a lottery every year to fight to the death on live tv.



i LOVED the hunger games- totally bleak and suspenseful with a strong female heroine, unflinching portrayal of poverty, love, mental illness, having to MURDER people, etc. totally gory and disgusting and brutal at times and tender and sweet at other times. i seriously loved every minute of it, except for the wolves, which were somehow bad CGI even though it was a book and not a movie? but the sequel, catching fire, was dull and full of romance in comparison. like, there were zero doubts about who would live or die and too many boring scenes hanging out in the capitol eating food.

don't get me wrong, it was still a decent book, but nothing to write a whole blog thing about ! but, yeah, i have my reservations about mockingjay, but i'm curious to see how the story turns out, and it was only $9 with free shipping.

i don't have a history lesson for you guys today. i hope you aren't too disappointed !

p.s. i decided to get a mary wollstonecraft tattoo

wish in one hand

blehhh. so at the end of our fiscal year, we have a staff appreciation day. usually it's a really low-key morning with breakfast and mimosas, then we play board games if we want (last year it was at the circa centre and we had a playstation !), then we have a really good catered bbq for lunch, and then we get "surprise" dismissed early at 12 or 1. i'm totally cool with this format ! i feel appreciated ! however.



this year some people on the committee opted to make it a field day type thing so now instead of actually relaxing after a stressful end of the fiscal year, there is a rigid schedule of "fun" including tug-o-war and something called like pass the grape, which sounds like a weird sex thing. i will not be playing pass the grape with my coworkers. i do not need to have elementary school activities assigned to me to have fun. i'm not 8, or from south philly.

i had both of my classes last night. history class was kind of a bummer because i have a lot of academic insecurity and i feel like everyone is so far ahead of me- not in knowledge of the subject, but as far as having the tools and language to discuss it. and i shouldn't compare myself to them, because they're mostly very young and have been going to school for 17 years straight at this point. i also got something wrong in one of my essay questions and i'm wayyyy too embarrassed about it. the added bonus of posting our homework online for everyone to see instead of just handing it in is a bummer, though i understand why it's useful !



german class is fine, but it's weird that the class is being taught in german by the third lesson? like i took german for years but i can't imagine how the people who have never taken it are doing. like, he just keeps saying things loud in german instead of saying it once in english? i mean, it's working, but it's weird.

after class, i did some homework (including writing a german essay and making notes for a history project) and then did the argent dailies with paul. i'm sort of bummed that everyone (including me !) quit wow, but i decided to do those dailies every day to get the three mounts i don't have.



then i had a rousing conversation about merkins and celebrity nudes with mouse (not arousing, rousing), and a little about possible poisoning at jamestown. i tried to talk a little bit about stuff i'm learning to help me remember it, because mouse is the only person on earth who wouldn't be bored by it ! did you guys know that the colonists named "virginia" after their virgin queen and because it was "virgin land", but the name the indians had for it, which i totally forgot (tsenecomaka?), means "densely populated land"?

what else? something less grumpy. there was a thread on my all ladies feminist messageboard about books we read when we were kids, and i ended up picking up used copies of all the books i hadn't read. because i was a nerdy, library-frequenting child, that was only five books. i got:


the ghost next door by wylly folk st. john


wonder by rachel vail


the girl with the silver eyes by willo davis roberts


stranger with my face by lois duncan


daphne's book by mary downing hahn

the majority of those are supernatural thrillers, and i'm really surprised i hadn't read them- especially that i've never heard of wylly folk st. john. honestly i'm surprised i haven't read the other ones either because i also liked books about girls doing stuff (any stuff). haha. have you guys read any of those?

i guess i'm going to get ready to go- the work party starts at 10, and the closing ceremony (aka we get to go home?) is at 1, so i'm going to go home and work on my history homework and maybe eat a big sandwich? then mouse and i are going to the phillies game and tomorrow we're possibly tubing if it isn't raining???

weekend to-do list
- clean ! there's so much grossness that is my fault that i'm oblivious to !
- DROP MY LAUNDRY OFF (this is important, all my cool clothes are dirty)
- finish my history homework (hopefully i'll do that this afternoon)
- do my reading for history next week
- post the german essay i wrote on our class site
- do the other german assignments i have (which is just using this interactive website)
- go grocery shopping

all of that is a pretty tall order but i want to try to be responsible !!!! wish me luck.

100th post !

hey dudes, i'm totally not posting my to-do list today because i didn't do anyyyyyything !



i have been going to bed too late lately and totally f'd up my sleep schedule. i can't fall asleep before 2:30-3:00am anymore ! on the one hand, it's pretty cool because i can bother my friends on the west coast, but on the other hand... i wake up at 7:30? anyway, because of that i usually doze off while trying to do something after work, and i ended up dozing off on my history book



i woke up and decided it was too late to read books, so i logged on to wow to update my mods and crap and ended up doing blackwing lair with paul, gavin, and jeff. i started playing wow too late to ever go to BWL, and 4-manning a level 60 40-man dungeon is a different experience from the actual raid, so i had no idea what was going on. we were looking for some dragon's head for jeff and a goblin for paul but we ended up not getting either because it was super buggy.



boy, i already forgot how to play my character ! i couldn't remember my rotation at first or how to walk around, and we gave up just when i started to get the hang of it. paul, gavin, and jeff are three of my favorite people to play with though so it was nice to talk to them, albeit briefly and angrily (we um, kept wiping).

after that i farted around for awhile and watched some king of the hill on netflix. isn't it weird that mike judge made this great show with a tender, loving, realistic, respectful portrayal of working class texans and then went on to make the horrible classist shitshow idiocracy? anyway, i determined last night that joseph gribble creeps me out. he totally seems like a future serial killer or something. i'm uh, glad he's fake !



wooo, weekend. i get out of work at 2pm today, and i'm going to hang out with biz in center city (biz being my middle/high school best friend who happens to live in philly now too !). i'm going to stop by and catsit a little, and then biz and i are going to eat italian food and look for crappy necklaces.


not this ugly though

then after i get home, mouse is coming over so we can plan for our trip tomorrow. we're going to nockamixon state park to ride bikes and swim (with like, 10000 other people cause it's 4th of july weekend, which i forgot !). i'm a little nervous cause i haven't been on my bike in awhile but i'm sure it's just like riding a bike. i will take the opportunity of mouse coming over to grease everything and check my tires also.



the rest of the weekend will be spent on like, doing schoolwork and farting around the house and maybe hanging out with mouse again?

there's some other stuff i wanted to talk about but we just had a meeting and our director told us to go home ! haha. we hit our fundraising goal and participation goal (not that this has much to do with me, i'm not a fundraiser, but i'm on a fundraising team) so we get to leave. remind me to talk about young adult books next week !!!

i'm free

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it's over ! it's finally over ! i had to work all weekend, which is kind of a bummer, because i'm already back at work and i feel like i just left work. on thursday we set everything up, and registration opened on friday. we were in a new building with much more space, but there were some logistical problems there (like, we had to use their wireless, which blew, and WE had a lot less room because of how the tables were set up), but it ended up being okay. generally the registration team are cool people (not a coincidence, since i have to be there with them all weekend and pick the team based on who i'd want to hang out with for 25 hours). i was there til 10pm, but we had free food and a good pandora playlist which was basically like a really good oldies station, so it wasn't too bad.



on saturday, i worked from 7 to 6:30, which was kind of brutal. saturday was super, super, super busy and that was the day we had some difficult people. i think everything worked out okay, but registration closed at 4pm and people were hounding me until 6:30, chasing me down while i was carrying big armloads of stuff and big awkward sign posts, etc. i thought i would never get out of there and i was super exhausted ! but at a quarter to 7 i headed home and met up with christina, who was also exhausted from volunteering at a girls rock philly related event and hanging out with amber at art star. so jealous ! if i wasn't working i definitely would have gone.



we both decided to "take a nap" at 9pm and we both woke up at 4am. we IM'd each other for a minute, and then christina went back to sleep. i ended up sleeping from 7am-11am or so. jeez. i guess i took for granted the amount that a few extra hours of sleep on saturday morning counts since i didn't get it that day.

when we got up, i leveled solanas to 60 and did part of zul'gurub with paul. i've never really seen any of the bosses besides the raptor and tiger bosses so that was kinda cool ! then christina and i went to target. i wasn't really sure if i needed anything, but i thought i'd check out their plus size section because i saw a few cute/wearable things online. guess what though, guys ! the plus size section was 2 racks of clothing, unmarked, in the middle of maternity. it was like 3 cardigans, a sundress, 4 pairs of stretch pants, and maybe one ugly rayon dress?


above: some bullshit

i might actually like... write them a letter about it? philadelphia is a fat city, and there was like 2309823 fat people at target, and i think if they actually had all of the nice stuff they have online in the store, attractively presented and marked with a sign, people would buy it? the target on delaware avenue is kind of a mess anyway, but like... why should a maternity section be so expansive compared to a plus size section? so many more people are fat than pregnant. and why should the plus size section be in the center of maternity? i did buy this dress online from them last week with a gift card, and i hope it works out:



we also went to the grocery store, and then came home and chilled out for a little bit. i guess the most exciting thing (if exciting is the right word) is that i guess i'm quitting warcraft. my last friend who played (who i played with most often) canceled his account and uninstalled the game, and there isn't really much for me to do now


RIP harridan

i have very mixed mostly bad emotions about this right now because like... that's what i did to avoid all of my real life problems ! and now i don't have an excuse/crutch anymore ! like, i really really do genuinely enjoy playing, but i did play slightly more than i'd be naturally inclined to because it was like... something to do where i was interacting with friends but didn't have to leave the house. i'm not even sure how to talk about it because people are so weird about warcraft (like, somehow think it's nerdier than other video games or that people get ADDICTED !!!!!!!!! to it and a couple in china let their baby DIE while they were playing and omgomgomgomg) but the reality is that it's like... a video game that is fun, and everyone plays video games.

full disclosure, though i hate discounting my feelings because of hormones- i actually forgot to take my birth control for 3 days so i think i'm having a uh, heightened emotional reaction. i'm bummed that i won't get to talk to those friends as much, if at all, and i'm bummed that i'm going to have all of this dangerous time to think about eating disorder stuff and general weird hide-y feelings where i want to stay in my house all the time.



and not to segue from my crappy year of depression to OMG HAYYYYY but while i was at work this weekend, the bottom of my rootote split. after looking for a similarly huge bag online and not finding anything i loved (annnnnd not wanting to pay $45 for another rootote- i got my other one for $14.99), christina offered to make me a tote bag. she let me pick out fabric from her... fabrics, and i picked these:


green corduroy outside


this amy butler stuff inside

i'm pretty excited because the bags she makes are the shit. if she has time, she's going to make some to sell, and i'll let you dogs know what the deal is.

list of things i can do instead of being a hermit
- hang out with christina more
- hang out with mouse more and GO TO HIS HOUSE
- ride my bike and go outside more
- make new girlfriends
- go look at the dogs at the dog bowl
- do stuff like read and knit, but OUTSIDE
- volunteer somewhere

okay, i'm going to go because i have a ton of stuff to do today- it's taken me like three hours to write this cause i keep getting interrupted ! bleh !

p.s. big ups to christina for lending me her blanky and alpaca when i was crying last night !
p.p.s. jeanne and mouse are both back today and i'm soooooooooooo psyched. jeanne saw so many good animals in colombia and apparently, according to text, mouse "hugged a naked lady".