sooooo on friday they announced a major restructuring of my department (basically half of the department- not my half- is being moved to another group, and my half is changing names and taking on some events from a different area) in a meeting that i missed. i didn't have the energy to be anxious about it all weekend but now i'm back at work and everyone is whispering about it and that is making me anxious. we're having a meeting at 11 to "discuss our questions and concerns." my concern is not so much what is happening but like, if i will still have a job at the end of the fiscal year. it's like... 99% likely that i will, but my worry is that my job will change so much that i will hate it. oh well, can't do anything about it now.

i had a very full weekend ! friday was the opening of mike and jeanne's art show at part time studios in fishtown, so mouse and i went down there. their show was sea-junk themed and everything both of them made was absolutely stunning.



i'm really proud of both of them. fishtown is... weird, i basically never go there and didn't even realize this block was there, but there was a little block of galleries and junk (including the fabled coffee shop that biz lives over ! where i... saw two of my coworkers? it was like seeing bugs bunny in real life or something). fishtown is full of weird people who look like aliens who heard tell of earth hipsters and tried to emulate their look without the use of the earth internet, so there was lots of weird flapper clothes, giant feathers in peoples' hair, and slouchy socks. i also saw at least two bolo ties. the gallery was pretty crowded because it was first friday, so i got to very briefly see and barely talk to a lot of people i like. here are my two favorite things from the show:


unfortunately i don't have a full picture of this, but it is a beautiful melusine by jeanne


a leviathan by mike !!!! my actualllll favorite of his was this tiny fiji mermaid but this is my other favorite

afterward, mouse and i went to whole foods and i came home, where i went to bed surprisingly early to avoid cleaning my apartment for company this weekend.

on saturday, i procrastinated so hard i actually played windows solitaire (i use cumulative scoring so i end up in the hole, and always think one more game will get me back in the black), but ended up doing an okay job cleaning my room and getting my laundry together and getting some of my junk off of the couch. my friend brian from connecticut was in town, and luckily was up for a bunch of stationary back pain fun. we got indian buffet and gelato and then watched the naked gun, which i just realized is available on netflix instant !



it kind of fell apart from there because, as you know, there is basically nothing good on netflix instant, but it was fun. i ended up actually going to sleep early, which is sort of a bummer because i go to sleep at 4am on work nights, but i slept for like ten hours, which is unheard of. i think it might be due to the fact that roxy jr. didn't sleep in my room and it was raining so it was like super dark in my bedroom.

oh yeah ! i introduced pizza to roxy jr. on saturday too !



they are not really getting along yet- lots of hissing and growling, though surprisingly pizza seems to be the alpha (do cats have alphas?) and roxy jr. immediately backs down. no real fighting or confrontations, but no grooming and cuddling yet. oh wellllllllll.

on sunday, i met up with brian, christina, nick, and sandi at local 44 for brunch. christina had gone up to nyc to see wild flag with nick and sandi, and then brought them back to see wild flag here. local 44 was kind of disappointing (righttttt after i updated my yelp reviewwwwwwww)- bland bloody marys and the removal of vegetarian disco fries from the menu was pretty heartbreaking. nothing really looked too appealing on the menu, so i chose the new menu item replacing the disco fries with eggs on top that i had last time- weird spicy french fries with eggs on top. i'm not sure why i got this because i'm not really wild about french fries, but it was pretty gross- the fries were super super super super salty, they didn't taste hot at all, and they were pretty dessicated. also the eggs were the size of peanuts.

i tricked everyone into going to cvs with me afterward to get cat supplies, and i also treated myself to some nail polish-


rimmel hot cocoa, purple rain, and steel gray

and then came back home and hung out with nick and sandi while christina napped, and then *i* napped, and then they all went to see wild flag again (i'm bummed that i didn't try to go to this- my back was so messed up when christina strongly urged me to go see them that i thought i'd never be able to go, but it looked fucking amazing and i love mary timony and ahhhhhhhhh). after they got home i had some wonderful drunk bonding with them all, and then watched futurama in bed until it was time to go to sleep- 2am, still pretty early !

so, overall, good weekend. not much on the horizon this week except lots of work, hanging out with mouse, maybe going to ryann's show at the bean if i can make it (the walking junk is still pretty tedious), introducing jeanne to roxy jr, blah blah.

p.s. i love nick and sandi
p.p.s. work is stressful right now

we can finally start a family

i'm uncharacteristically updating my blog on a friday night ! i want to make sure that i cover all the great stuff that happened last week, despite the one major, major, major, major bummer.

last wednesday, nick and sandi came down from nyc and we had the besttttt timmmmmeeeee. we went to south philly tap room, where i got the most delicious eggplant parm i've ever had (and everyone else had the best brussels sprouts they've ever had- but they had bacon) and a really delicious apple and watercress salad, as well as a couple of delicious san diego beers (recommended by gavin, the biggest proponent of san diego ever). nick and sandi were like... fucking adorable and delightful and hilarious as always. nick has a new haircut where he looks like half of a depeche mode video and sandi said a thousand hilarious things. we came home after dinner and (wahhhhh) played with weirdo and had the best family night.



on thursday, i cooked all day and like... every single thing i made came out weird. it ended up not mattering, though, because jeanne's new roommate alexis made a shitload of super delicious food. jeanne, mike, alexis, ned, and i had a good thanksgiving and watched the kids in the hall.



the menu was:
- seitan turkey
- vegetarian ham
- stuffing
- cornbread stuffing
- mashed potatoes
- shepherds pie
- cranberry sauce
- orange honey cranberry sauce
- delicious gravy
- roasted vegetables (potatoes, sweet potatoes, brussels sprouts, parsnips, carrots)

there was a surprising lack of dessert (the dessert i made was overcooked and i burnt my ganache !) but i'd rather have food than dessert anyway. i had the best time, though ! ned had a good story about his customers that i am still laughing about, alexis is super cute and nice and has a really cool mean cat, mike is my favorite, and jeanne is ESPECIALLY my favorite. vinegar and fig too !

on friday, i worked on school work a little, and then christina and i braved local 44 again. i don't know if i've talked about it here, but i had the worst meal of my life at local 44 when i went with bill and christina- it was like... "mushroom stew" that was just unseasoned boiled mushrooms, pearl onions, carrots, and potatoes, and it tasted like they were boiled, rinsed, and boiled in new water. i seriously like recoil in horror every time i walk by because it was so gross ! anyway, we braved it because we were cold, and the food was awesome. i got a vegan reuben, and we split disco fries (fries with onion gravy and cheese) and it was... very heavy, but delicious.



i also tried some new scotches- i tried laphroaig and dewars, and of course they were both gross. guys, what's with scotch? why do i keep drinking it? one of these days, though, i'm going to love it. i know it. on saturdayyyyyyyy, mouse came over and we watched a few episodes of it's always sunny in philadelphia and ate delicious food and played with weirdo (wahhhhhh).

on sunday, i met up with mouse and kati to go to berlin mart in new jersey ! we met up with meesh and greg there, and we saw a lot of funny things and mouse made me laugh so hard that all of the people at the flea market thought i was behaving inappropriately for a flea market. it was a great fucking day ! i got:

- a greedo
- a yoda
- two jawas
- a grizzlor (a he-man guy- i got him for jeanne cause someone made him into a magnet)
- some work gloves (even though i don't do work)
- the best possible hairclip



after that, we went to blackbird pizza, where i was psyched to try a seitan cheesesteak, but they were out of seitan. they had some pizza and stuff butttttttttt i'm not vegan and i can eat real pizza so spending $3 on slices of vegan pizza didn't seem appetizing, so i just had some water and a good, awkward sulk. annnnnnd then we came home and weirdo died.

this past week has just been... stress and studying. next week is my last week of classes, and i have four papers to finish- 1 two page but with heavy research, 2 one page with heavy research, and one 10 page with heavy research. my genocide final paper is stressing me out a lot- i wrote a proposal that was mostly based on like... my strong emotional reaction and not a lot of research that i did, and my professor wrote this back (she actually wrote one email with this praise and then wrote a second cause she forgot she sent the first, with MORE INTENSE PRAISE):

"This is going to be a great paper. In fact, you could probably publish it--if you feel like putting the extra work into it (which need not be done for the version you hand in as a final paper in this class). I would be happy to help you polish it and send it out. The idea you will be pursuing is very innovative and also very important. It could put women on the genocide map, so to speak. And it would bring necessary attention to their suffering--their suffering as survivors not just of a genocidal process, but also of genocide written on their bodies and lives"

i know that someone suggesting that an undergraduate freshman publish something is a big insane compliment, but it put this insane amount of pressure on me- i feel super unsophisticated and emotional and like i barely even know what i'm talking about? like i'm just kind of chauncey gardenering my way through this.



so, this week? studying reading freaking the fuck out and not being able to do a bunch of shit and alksdlksajdlkjalskjdklsajs alas poor roxy. anyway, i just wanted to get that out.

he knows where she is

hollllllllyyyyy shit ! everyone is so fucking annoying this morning ! my coworkers will not stop fucking talking to each other ! guys, shut up ! it's fucking monday ! shut up ! stop talking ! that said, we had a staff breakfast this morning and they got vegetarian sausage just for me, but i'm not sure it was worth it i'm currently on hour two of breakfast being THE MOST INTERESTING FUCKING THING TO EVER HAPPEN that everyone can't stop fucking talking about !



i'm so reluctant to do anything today that i've been read the wikipedia entry for vladimir putin's dog for like 15 minutes.

so ! the weekend ! on friday, i came home and farted around and went to bed super early (midnight, which is early for me), because i had a day of exciting errands planned ! but i was incredibly exhausted all day and ended up... sleeping until 2pm. i didn't even take a shower or get dressed until like... 7? i had a runny nose and headache and was sure i was getting sick, but i think i just needed water and caffeine. i met up with mouse, benji, nate, and anna for all-you-can-eat ethiopian at ethio cafe, a new ethiopian restaurant directly next door to the one i usually go to.



the staff was super nice, and they specifically referred to everything as "vegan," and the food was good, but i can't eat all that much ethiopian food. a regular entree at abyssinia (the place next door) is the same price, and i probably eat the same amount both ways. i may continue to just go to abyssinia, though i feel guilty cause the women running this place were so attentive and sweet, and the quality of food was not appreciably different.

after dinner, mouse came over and let me windbag him with my incomplete knowledge of genocide- it was a very interesting role reversal, because usually HE is the windbag. it felt like how it probably feels when those high powered businessmen on craigslist have to dress like a baby and get spanked to have an orgasm ! i didn't have an orgasm though, i guess. maybe mouse did, i forgot to ask.



on sunday morning, i woke up and met mouse and kev for breakfast at green line, where we had bagels and coffee. i love when jesse (and patchie) are working because they make the best lattes. i love when eric is working too because he's funny and has a great beard, but he makes coffee drinks that actually taste like coffee which isn't really my m.o. it was nice to see kev and catch up, because i haven't seen him in a million years ! after breakfast, i got a car and went to whole foods and got cat food. i'm preparing my menu for our delicious friendsgiving at jeanne's house- she and mike are getting back from romania right before, so we are going to have thanksgiving at their house (plus her friend alexis who i am super super excited to meet will be there and cooking !). here's what i'm making (vegetarian versions of all):



vegetarian ham ! i'm going to make an apple cider/brown sugar/mustard glaze, which i don't usually use a recipe for and just WING.



caramlized onion and cornbread stuffing



roasted potatoes, carrots, parsnips, and brussels sprouts



orange honey cranberry sauce



mini orange chocolate chunk cakes (jeanne's will be an orange pecan cake since she doesn't like chocolate !)

anyway, after shopping i came home and relaxed and didn't do any school work and felt okay about that. i got through a whole lot of simpsons episodes this weekend- first i flagellated myself with DVR'd recent episodes and then i rewarded myself by watching season 6.


no, you owe ME $900 !

my goals right now are to get through this week at work (2.5 days !), get through class tonight, finish my essays for writing class, and write my paper for genocide class. my BIG paper. it's going to be a super fucking busy holiday ! also, brooke, christine, and i are starting a history blog together and i need to work on that !

p.s. christina gets back from SF tonight and i can't wait to hugggggg her

i know the nervous walkin'

dudes ! last night i got two hours of sleep and i feel suspiciously okay? this morning was a little rough, especially because it's too cold for bare legs and having a kitten try to climb your stockings is really fucking annoying ! but also cool. ideally i would be watching her climb someone ELSE's stockings, but this is ultimately okay.

so ! this weekend ! on friday i went to the green line after work, where i am permanently installed until this semester is over, and drank like, one metric cornholio of soy lattes. i barely got any reading done (of course), but my friend gavin (who is cool and GENERALLY has good taste in everything) recommended that i listen to the pj harvey album that came out in 2000. i've sort of pretended that nothing came out after to bring you my love, but i figured i'd give it a shot.



welllllllllllll i fucking love it. it has some low points, and lacks uh, some of her balls? how do i express this without using male genitalia as a sign of courage? and the whole thing is new york city themed which i don't care about, but it's is a great album. the first time i heard pj harvey i could tell that everything she was talking about was feelings i didn't understand yet and like, i guess she's still doing that. i figured i would've acquired some emotional depth by now, but here we are. fart !

after that, i decided to go be the person i pretend i am and went to fiume (the bar above abyssinia) BY MYSELF and sipped scotch while reading:



the bartender was very helpful in windbagging me about scotch, and i ended up trying something that was the best of all the scotches i've had. i don't remember the name though and every name i make up is actually something from LOTR? wait, christina took a picture of it and sexted it to me so i'd remember !



i'll be honest, it still tastes like shit, but it's the best i've tried so far ! for some reason, people keep telling me that different scotches taste like honey or caramel and like... they all taste like poison? it's like no one wants to be the first to admit that scotch is gross. i'm brave though- emperor, u naked. i'm still going to drink it though ! oh, but, yeah, after the first couple of scotches i was totally trashed and called christina to come keep me company and she came down and we talked about farts and got pizza fries and went to cvs and bought a bunch of candy and i woke up to see i'd sent my friend a 2000 word IM to the aforementioned friend gavin about what makes the average hulk TRULY incredible and how one pj harvey song reminds me strongly of blood-queen lana'thel ("and i draw a line / to your heart today / to your heart from mine"). so much for adult roxy.



on saturday, i did a minimal amount of reading again ! i got a car to run errands and was going to go get a bouquet of fake lilies so i could be a WIDOW, but i got stuck in traffic for 45 minutes and just came home. and then jeanne came to west philly and christina put makeup on me ! i don't wear makeup, and she really put a minimal amount on, but i felt like i was painted like a clown. the overall effect was pretty fucking cool though:



it's weird, though- i got an overwhelmingly positive reaction to me wearing makeup and a thousand different people told me that i looked pretty, and it was a total mindfuck ! i was like MAYBE I SHOULD WEAR MAKEUP ALL THE TIME !!!!! and even looked at makeup at cvs (and was like, 'what is all this shit?' and realized that i have tried very hard in life to NOT know that) and then remembered that i think makeup sucks. i understand a lot of women choose to wear makeup and what could be more feminist than a woman making a choice !!!!, butttttt i am too creeped out by the beauty industry and uncomfortable with the idea of giving my money and time to an industry whose function is to undermine womens' self-worth and manipulate them into thinking they 1) need to be "beautiful" and 2) need to buy all this shit to be "beautiful". i don't know ! it's fun for a costume but like, a colossal bummer for me for every day life. like, the sheer power that people calling me pretty had on me even at this age with this level of self-awareness was INSANE.

anyway, we went to the west philly coverband show and met up with mouse, but we missed the pj harvey band (boooooooooooooooooooooooooo) and dk band, saw the wipers, and then went upstairs and sulked on a couch and then left early ! there was a neutral milk hotel cover band and we got caught in like, an aching pit of sincerity where people were earnestly singing along, and like... that + bell peppers is the portrait of hell for jeanne and i. we stopped on the way home to get cookies, and then came to my house to pet the kitten and eat cookies. i made a grave mistake and got oatmeal dark chocolate cherry almond cookies which sound delicious but they were all cinnamon-y :(



on sunnnnnnday i mostly slept and went to green line again to try to finish reading. i read like... 25% of the stalin book. basically it's a long essay arguing that stalin's mass killings are genocide- in general, they are widely believed to NOT be genocide, largely because of soviet pressure during the genocide convention to exclude political and social groups from the definition of genocide. i'm excited for this week in class, though i have a lot of work to do- i talked to my professor after class last week (because i realized that, despite hearing about the holocaust my whole life, i never ever once heard anything about sexual violence during the holocaust, and it's such a huge factor in almost every other genocide) and she told me my papers were some of the best in class and we had a great conversation- she really is like, one of the fucking coolest people i've ever met? i'm so psyched to be in this class, even if the work is killing me a little.


why are the hot ones always jerks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay ! two last things ! that grand army messenger was a good buy- it fits all my school books and my laptop, the strap is really comfortable, and it looks cool.



also, last night while i was trying not to study or sleep, i dug out a mixtape that my friend shannon made me like ten years ago:



this is the most romantic thing i've ever gotten from a dude who wasn't in love with me. the front of it has a termite squished to it, under packing tape, with the caption, "termites. devour my heart."

side A:

swans, "live through me"
the black heart procession, "on waterfront"
electric wizard, "funeralopolis"
eyehategod, "thirty dollar bag"
supermachiner, "flight of vultures"
supermachiner, "i am legend"
neurosis, "belief"
the black heart procession, "til we have to say goodbye"
harvey milk, "brown water"
swans, "secret friends"

side B:

harvey milk, "one of us cannot be wrong"
converge, "disintegration"
today is the day, "ripped off"
eyehategod, "methamphetamine"
boards of canada, "the color of the fire"
mogwai, "stanley kubrick"
the black heart procession, "a light so dim"
swans, "the sound"
slowdive, "here she comes"

this is one of the only things i brought with me from florida and i've unpacked it at every single house i've lived in. of course it is dorky as shit, but it was significant for me because shannon is my first friend who i ever realized was cooler than me. of course, lots of my friends were cooler than me (erica was a feminist in like, ninth grade ! natalie introduced me to pj harvey in middle school !), but he was the first time i REALIZED it. he is the most incredible gifted maniac weirdo and ever since i met him i have been committed to only being friends with people who are cooler than i am (or at least equally as cool) and this has enriched my life beyond belief.

okay ! this is a windbaggy entry and i forgot a lot of stuff ! but i have to do some work now ! bleh !

somewhere, some time

i haven't had a lot of time to update lately because i've been so busy with work and life and school ! sorry guys !

i had the best weekend in awhile this weekend- on friday, ryann, mike, jeanne, and ned picked me up (in a rented prius ! 5 people in a prius including one big person and one tall person ! but it really wasn't bad) and we drove to new jersey to stay with ryann's friend eric for the night. we ate at a diner once we got there and our waitress was super fucking high and really neat. i truly cannot remember what i ate, because it seems like a million years ago. eric is a great host and had lots of places to sleep, but i slept on the floor because of my back. it was probably like... the worst night's sleep ever (only because i was sore and sick) but i wasn't tired at all when i woke up ! we stopped to get breakfast, and then proceeded on to brattleboro, vermont.



we got lunch at a place we thought wouldn't be opened, one of many places named vegetarian paradise- it's a vegan jamaican restaurant. they brought us out a platter with blobs of all of the dishes on the menu (not a huge menu but there was some variety) so we could taste them before ordering (!!!!). everything was delicious, but we all ended up getting curry chunks (which i think was wheat gluten) with cabbage or kale and rice and beans. ryann also got a ginger beer and it was like... the most intense delicious spicy ginger beer of all time. mike and i also got vegetable patties (which jeanne and mike relentlessly called hot pockets- culturally insensitive) which were delicious and kind of spicy. they also had a store attached which mostly sold like... hats with fake dreads attached and 'jah is my co-pilot' bumper stickers, but i ended up buying this tiger hat.



we were making good time and had a pretty fast trip up to new hampshire- ryann is a great driver, ned was an excellent dj, and mike was good at farting and reading maps. jeanne didn't do much but touch my butt a bunch to buckle her seatbelt- i've had better, but i like jeanne. the pumpkin festival was insane- it was super super packed with a billion cool jack-o-lanterns and food vendors and kids in costumes ! i got terrified by people in old man costumes several times. there was also a grilled cheese and tomato soup booth so i didn't even have to have a vegetarian-at-the-fair all french fry day ! here's some stuff:













that last picture is ned and mike eating barf in a cone (which some people were calling 'pumpkin pie in a cone'). there was a beautiful historic theater there playing free cartoons all day, so when we got tired and cold, we went inside and watched looney toons for like 2 hours. i was surprised at how funny and weird and fucking grim they were? i didn't really pay much attention to them when i was a kid (aside from pete puma) so i never noticed, but like... every single one ended with accidental suicide.



after that, we went to see the pumpkins all lit up and walked around some more and i almost peed my pants and we went to a neat little bookstore ! i also had the disappointment of my life when i went to a fudge stall and got what i thought was a chocolate covered caramel apple, and it was just... a chocolate covered apple. GROSS. is that a real thing people eat????? i was shocked but everyone made fun of me and didn't feel bad for me.

we went to our hotel room after that and i had such a good night. i was super super super cornholio'd out on sugar and everyone just barely put up with me, and i ended up getting the best night's sleep i've had in forever. maybe i should always sleep in a room with four sleeping people ! in the morning, we ate continental breakfast (ooh la la) and headed out to providence, rhode island. holy shit, providence is cute ! the houses looked like dollhouses and there was a good record store and and and it was great. we ate at julian's, where i had the best most delicious bloody mary ever, sweet potato hash (which was delicious), a french toast, home fries, and an omelette with avocado, black beans, and tomato. holy shit ! there bathroom also had this case of star wars guys



the drive home took considerably longer, but we made a few stops and listened to weird al and i got to ride up front with mike, which was neat. unfortunately we're both tyrants and he won the ipod tyrant contest by holding the ipod in his lap so i couldn't reach for it. i maintain that everyone would've loved my cool music playlist even if they wouldn't have, and also didn't.

anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i had the best time, and new england is beautiful, and i didn't feel anxious once- not even in keene, where my cellphone didn't have reception for an entire day. being "disconnected" or far from home are two of my biggest anxiety triggers, and the whole time i was having such a good time that i didn't want it to end and was never anxious to get home. mike, jeanne, ryann, and ned are all neat and hilarious and i haven't laughed that much in a million years.

nowwwww i have to get ready for class- i'm behind on my school work and it's causing me stress.

gucci mane

what's up ! hey ! on friday mouse and i went to mike bukowski's art show at benna's !!! it was all monsters inspired by d&d manuals and everything looked amazing. i was basically having an anxiety attack about getting there first to get the owlbear and i'm glad i didn't sleep on it because everyone kept admiring it and a few people were coveting it. i also bought the giant troll. i wish i had some pictures of it but i was too excited ! here are a few that appeared in the interview he just did for denis' bloggggg.


"an Achaierai, a Grell and a Necrophidius"

jeanne also made a really cool vegan axe cake, which mouse cut with a plastic axe. it was pretty awesome because the handle basically looked like real wood and the blade looked like an iced fart. no offense jeanne !!!



after the show, we went to the pope and i had the best vegan meatloaf i've ever had in my life, with mushroom gravy, broccoli, and mashed yams. holy shit. i wish i was eating it right now, and also forever. i also decided to try scotch on the rocks for the first time, to debut my signature drink, and it did not go well. i got a johnny walker black first and it was pretty repugnant- it was also a gigantic glass of scotch (i figured a... whatever, on the rocks would just be a shot on ice? but it was like a full glass of scotch).



mike and jeanne's friend justin g. (maybe my friend too? i'm gonna add him and his gf on facebook RIGHT NOW) suggested that i try glenfiddich 12, which he said tasted like honey, so i got a shot of that with ice. i discovered that... it tasted like scotch, but at that point i was like, 'hayyyy' from drinking a bunch of scotch so i didn't feel betrayed or anything.



after that, the waitress (who was extremely nice) suggested that i try irish whiskey if i wasn't into scotch, so she brought me a tullamore dew, which at that point did not taste perceptibly different to me because the scotch had burned off all of my tastebuds. at that point, she suggested i try tequila instead- not that night, but if i was ever at cantina. she was referring to a local establishment called cantina los caballitos, buttttttttt i thought she was talking about this cantina:



and was like, "why would i ever be there? that isn't even like.. here and now." and felt pretty dumb. i had a great time though, and mike, jeanne, and ryann invited me to come to new hampshire with them this weekend to see a bunch of cool pumpkins and junk !

on saturday, i intended to read and study all day, but early in the day i stood up and something horrible happened to my back. i got a really really horrible not right pain and barely made it back to my bed (i was in the living room). i basically spent 8 hours saturday laying face down on my bed, holding in my pee, totally unable to move. it was really fucking scary- a bunch of people offered to help me, and i really wanted to go to the hospital, but... i couldn't get up to let anyone in.



it was really weird and shitty ! if you aren't a fat person, you may not know that doctors are really shitty to fat people. despite many thin people i know having back problems and having similar stuff happen to them, i know what would happen if i went to the doctor- i have gained weight lately and i'm sure it's related, but what's probably more related is that i have done very little physical activity since starting school- i feel like i have very little time anymore to do anything, and since this side was injured a few years ago, i think i have to be more consistent with doing yoga/walking/riding my bike to keep it from getting reinjured. anyway, i knowwwww i should talk to a doctor (a friend with similar problems suggested sports medicine) buttttttt i don't want to have to deal with it.

anyway, around 9 or so i was able to get out of bed and walk around and take a shower and pet my poor stupid kitten and felt more human almost immediately. by the time i went to bed, my back actually felt pretty good. today it feels even better, though i keep getting an on and off nerve-y pain in my thigh, but my back itself feels better than it has in weeks. i think this is like... when a coconut falls on someone's head and they turn into a sexy version of themselves? and then all that has to happen to fix them is another head injury?


for instance, something that probably happened to all of these women

on sunday, i did some studying (finally), and went to mouse and kati's birthday party at ed's. alan, nate, and anna came and we had the best time. i got a greek salad and it was totally the worst, but all of my friends are so cool and funny i can't stand it? mouse looked particularly sharp in his button suspenders. the only real disappointment was that benji wasn't able to make it, because mouse realllllly wanted to wrestle someone for his birthday. pooooooor mouse. we got gelato after dinner (at my nudging) and i picked up some new cat litter for the kitten (she is not psyched about feline pine, because the granules are bigger than her feet), and came home to do some reading and pet her a little bit. here are some pictures:


weirdo is as bored by this asinine book as i am !





right now i'm reading critical essays about huckleberry finn (i don't careeeeeeeeeeee), that gerald graff book (ughhhhhhhhh), and we wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families by philip gourevitch (hooray). i actually wish i'd opted for a writing seminar with less reading because these books are such a waste of time, and my genocide class requires SO much reading.

so, that's about it. my back feels okay, this is going to be a busy week at work, i have a lot of reading to do so i'm going to try not to do anything fun this week, and and and.. i don't know. i have to go because the receptionist is being fucking annoying because she doesn't understand what the job of a receptionist is.