go ahead and ask her

hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !!!!! last night i worked on a work project at home, like a dork, and crocheted ! that's like, mostly it ! i had to look up like 50302943 people in our system to make mailing labels for them and i got about half of it out of the way since it's so time-consuming. the actual work isn't time-consuming but our system is so slow that it takes like 5 minutes per person to look them up which is like four hours in internet time.


i can't take credit for this clever graphic

i made it my goal to finish two more granny squares while i cleared our DVR of the simpsons and futurama, but i kept getting distracted and it took longer than i thought. i think it would take like 45 minutes or so to do a granny square if i actually focused but it took me like 900 hours because i kept putting it down. anyway, here's the two new ones:



and here's all four together in case you are too lazy to look at the last entry !



what else? i'm also re-reading the fellowship of the ring, which i haven't read since i was 10-14 (when i read it many, many, many times). i lovedddddddddd these books when i was a kid and, re-reading them, i really regret seeing the movies. i wasn't too crazy about them when they came out, but like, i had everything pictured so vividly in my mind- what everyone looked like, what every place looked like, what every race looked like, etc. and now when i'm reading i just picture this:







i'm especially heartbroken about gollum because the movie gollum is really stupid and gross and i hate him. gandalf and saruman are okay though cause... 1) christopher lee is cool and 2) what else is a wizard going to look like? anyway, it is coloring my re-reading in a way that is bumming me out, because like... i'm an adult, i shouldn't have to think about elijah wood if i don't want to, and it also sucks to lose important magical stuff from your childhood.

i unfortunately have to cut this short because i have a meeting in 20 minutes that i have to prepare for. hayyyy.

p.s. my mom gets here after work tomorrow ! which means i'd better clean my room tonight and maybe drop my laundry off to be washed?

have you seen my portfolio?

hey dogs. this weekend was pretty uneventful, which was cool because my mom will be here this weekend and my birthday is the weekend after !

on friday, christina and i were going to go to a college douche restaurant/bar by our offices called mad mex. they're only really notable because they have vegan dairy stuff for their burritos, they have 22oz cheap margaritas, and all their food is half price after 10. anyway, we had weird bogus chinese food at work for lunch and i felt like garbage, so i ended up at home in an imodium fog.



i ended up taking a nap and then just puttering around the house and hanging out with christina a little before we both went to bed FOR GOOD.

on saturday, christina and i got a car and went to south philly ! we were initially just running errands (grocery shopping/ac moore/home depot) but jeanne had the kitten again so we stopped over to visit jeanne and mike and this little dude:



he's pretty great- he walks around and plays and pounces and meows and falls asleep for no reason while you're holding him. he's also eating real food and pooping ! jeanne decided to come with us to ac moore. i decided to learn to embroider and learn to crochet (i learned a little to make that amigurumi chewbacca) so i could make an afghan, so i got a bunch of supplies in roxy colors.


cheap red heart yarn for the afghan


embroidery floss for... "embroidering a flower"

i have loose plans for the embroidery stuff- i want to embroider some flowers on something? jeanne got some cool paper to go on the backs of her frames, and some sour patch kids ! after that we went to the grocery store and to home depot, where i got something other than neat colored duct tape and raisinettes for once. well, it was just allergy reducer febreze and some keys, and the keys were cut poorly and don't work, but it was okay. a relatively painless trip to a store that instantly makes me feel bored.

when we got home, christina got ready to go to a show at pi lam, and i got ready to sit home and be bored and feel sorry for myself. i didn't realize how dependent on other peoples' company i am- mouse and i have a loose standing hangout for saturday nights, but he was visiting his cool nephew:



and i've grown accustomed to christina keeping me company, so i was a total grumpy baby about having to entertain myself. i mostly looked at granny square patterns, looked at crochet videos on youtube, and taught myself how to make a granny square. i didn't come away with much because i was practicing !

on sunday, i made some granny squares:


i'm going to make a bunch of them and connect them with the dark brown yarn i think

and hung out with christina. later in the day, mouse and i got indian buffet (where i ran into a germophobe in the bathroom !!!!!!!!!) and then went to see bj's band and my friend john from cleveland's band. john and i met online when we were like 17 and we didn't hang out in person until we were 24ish (well, that's how old i was? i just realized that i have no idea how old he is. good friend !!!!). our friendship is mainly based on wayne's world and farting, which is the best kind of friendship.



his band, clan of the cave bear, was really good, and i got to meet his friend/bandmate whose dog i have admired on the internet for years !!! we didn't get to talk too long though because mouse and i left right after they played. the house where the show was is kind of weird and i felt like a dork and a fraud because i was dressed like a nerd.

i only work three days this week because my mom gets here wednesday ! i'm pretty psyched because we have off monday too. my main plans are to make sure my mom has fun. i'm already planning stuff that uh, i'm going to have christina cook for her (i don't really know how to cook meat !). we haven't gotten to talk much in awhile because my mom's busy season at work ends right when mine starts, so it'll be nice to hang out and make fun of law and order with her. she also really loves going to the laundromat so maybe i'll save some dirty clothes.



i have been asking questions about what xbox to buy and like.. i don't even really understand the answers, because lots of nerds are telling me conflicting things. i'm not sure what i need for my... needs. i just want to be able to play games and watch netflix ! that's all !


so many choices

i'm going to wait until my mom leaves though so i don't ignore her for video games.

okay, back to work. i have a bunch of stuff to do today and lots of meetings this week !

p.s. ha ha lost fans !
p.p.s. there were kittens on the roof at the show i went to but i didn't get to pet them

slurp it from your palm

hey guys, it's the day after easter, so i don't have to cringe at any more OMG JESUS WUZ A ZOMBIE jokes !

my weekend played out exactly like i described it ! on friday, i got out of work at 2 and came home and started a new chewbacca. that last one was so fucked up and gigantic ! i managed to get it down to the correct size (4.5") and finish it this weekend, but it's still obviously my first project. the stuffing came through in a few places and his eyes are crooked and i forgot to sew his face on before i sewed him up so i had to improvise after, and he unfortunately did not get a nose.



overall i'm pretty pleased that i learned a new skill but making that teeny bandolier was so annoying that i may never crochet again.

on saturday, christina and i went to whole foods to get groceries. i bought um.. "sandwich flats"? which may be good for eating veggie burgers on since i'm not into hamburger buns (though hot dog buns are my fave?)



i also got some icelandic chocolate easter eggs which i forgot about and are probably melting somewhere, 2lbs of strawberries, weird vegetarian meatballs, and like... yogurt? maybe. it's all irrelevant though because i forgot to bring any of it to work with me so i'll be eating whatever i can scavenge here, which includes two reeses peanut butter eggs so far. we also went to loop so i could pick up my yarn. i got some more berroco vintage to finish some projects, and one of these things that is oddly called a kacha kacha?



saturday night, mouse, christina, and i went out to adobe in manayunk for dinner. i was weirdly not hungry so i ordered a salad and broccoli bisque. the salad was just like, the saddest salad in the universe (2 slices of cucumber, 3 slices of mushroom, 2 slices of tomato, 2 slices of green pepper, 4 pieces of shredded carrot, and lettuce) and i um, forgot what bisque is? haha. so i was kinda disappointed to get... bisque. i also got a half pitcher of white sangria which turns out was too much sangria for one person. i don't know what happened but i'm suddenly bad at eating at restaurants...? haha



after dinner, we drove out to chestnut hill (or mt. airy?) to go to the ice cream trolley.



it's in a beautiful area and everything, but the allure is that SOMETIMES they have tofutti and mouse can have ice cream too. they didn't have any on saturday, but i'd made him a vegan easter basket so he had treats too.


jelly bellies, orbit bubblemint gum, panda black licorice, marzipan ritter sport

i got a waffle cone with soft serve and rainbow sprinkles (the best) and christina got birthday cake ice cream, and then we drove around for awhile looking at chestnut hill in the dark. it was a really beautiful night spent with my favorite people on earth (minus jeanne d. and my mom ! haha).

on sunday, i tried to clean my room. i separated my laundry into four piles:

- garbage
- dirty
- clean
- not dirty but not quite clean

and threw out any trash in my room + the garbage clothes (i had NOTHING to donate because i don't take care of my clothes and everything is from old navy and is like, holey as hell), bagged up the dirty laundry, put away the laundry that was already folded... and left a bunch of not dirty not clean stuff all over the floor. it looks leaps and bounds better, but even doing that took me like five hours because i hateeeee cleaning and didn't want to do it and kept complaining ! haha.

after that, mike came over and we went to get food (i got beet salad which turned out to be raw and gross, ravioli pasta salad with asparagus, sundried tomatoes, and olives, citrus roasted potatoes, and an orange) and ate it in clark park by the dog bowl with christina.


the dog bowl in wintery months

it was so beautiful out and we got to see the cutest toddler (her dad gave us a flier for a craft fair at the firehouse next weekend ! i may stop by, but christina will be in boston) and the best dogs. it was pretty weird, there was a teeny puppy on the blanket next to us who was identical to mike's old dog molly.



after that we came back to our house and christina and mike ignored me for warcraft huhuhuhuh while i crocheted. i guess i was ignoring them for crocheting, too. we also watched the next episode of the pacific but mike aggressively "who's that guy?"'d me so i missed a lot of the fine details. um, it didn't exactly strike me as gripping and entertaining though. god damnit, why isn't the pacific any good yet? it's also weird that i find the dude playing leckie to be super hot



and his character is by far the most, um, "meaty", and he's the best actor so far of the main characters (i have high hopes for joseph mazzello but he hasn't been in it much yet), but like... i just fucking hate his character? he's so pompous and arrogant and they're writing him so heavy-handed. ugh. anyway, i'll report later once i watch the episode.

nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww i'm at work and i've already eaten so much candy and am basically cornholio right now



so i'm going to go do the handful of things i have on deck for the day and maybe watch some netflix instant viewing while i do it.

dance dance dance dance dance to the radio

i would like to invite everyone in the world who works in an office to stop talking to themselves because it's annoying and distracting.

regrettably, i had to miss the cat birthday party (though jeanne texted me to inform me that cats apparently hate when people stand around and watch them eat) because i had gross cramps and just wanted to go put on something with an elastic waist



and relax. the green line made a facebook update earlier in the day that kept calling to me like a siren's song, though, because of my newfound love for foofy coffee-flavored non-coffee beverages:

Ask for a s'More Iced Latte today! A little marshmallow, chocolate, and espresso all mixed together to make yr trip to the park extra great.

so christina and i went over and got them (they are actually just an iced mocha with toasted marshmallow syrup). i also got a vegan chicken salad sandwich



and then felt like a total crazy person from all the sugar and caffeine ! christina showed me a few stitches i was unsure of on the chewbacca pattern. honestly i probably could have figured it out since i just didn't read the instructions but it was nice to have someone to help me. so um, boyyyyy this thing looks funny? haha



i should have put the eyes closer together before i stuffed it ! and it's weird because the vigorous brushing really stretches the stitches out so he has some weird gaps. i think it'll look fine but maybe like, slightly pathetic? but doesn't patheticness make stuff cuter? heh? i think the problem is that i used the materials suggested (size E hook, DK yarn) in the pattern and instead of being 4.5 inches tall, this motherfucker is 7 inches tall !

we also raided last night, and it was okay. we finally got the bloodqueen down and then did valithria really quick. it's sort of a bummer because a lot of good people kind of drifted off over the winter, and we had to recruit some people, and a lot of the new recruits totally suck? like, their damage will be good or whatever but they won't listen to instructions or make the same mistakes over and over. and a lot of them are totally lame internet video game people which isn't really the environment i'm used to or like playing in. i'm spoiled i guess because aside from a few total dorks, my guild is mostly cool people that i've met or know people i know. some good news though- the lungbreaker dropped off of valithria !!!



it's kind of bittersweet because the general vibe among the people i like playing with is that they don't really want to play anymore and i kinda feel that way too. i like hanging out with them and i like the actual GAME, but it's basically to the point where it's like a group project in college, where you have to work really really hard while other people slack off and then you either all pass because of you, or fail because of them.

plus it's really nice out now !

tonight i'm going to lay low, i think. maura might be around to hang out (though she has to babysit !) but if not, i'm just going to finish this chewbacca and then immediately start another more tightly crocheted chewbacca (christina thinks i'm crocheting too loosely), maybe watch up in the air, and maybe clean up my room. tomorrow i'm going to do errands with christina (and maybe finally pick up my yarn?) and then mouse and i are going to try to eat dinner outside. sunday mike and i are spending easter together eating discounted easter candy.



if i finish the second chewbacca, i'm going to start those beautiful heart socks ! that's my reward. what an exciting weekend full of neat friends.

p.s. i drank too much v8 and i feel like i drank lava

wazzzaaaaaaaaaaa

i'm gonna be up front, this entry is mostly going to be about crocheting and yogurt.

yesterday christina and i met up and walked home from work together and it was delightful ! having someone to talk to made the walk go by a lot faster. i mean, it's like... a 15 minute walk, but it's a boring one with very little to look at now that those men's underwear that were stuck on the powerlines are gone. the urge to nap after work is incredibly strong since i got into that shitty pattern of napping after work and staying up super late, but i resisted- unfortunately i'm still staying up super late though ! i was like, basically catatonic after work because i was so tired, but i stayed up and started a new chewbacca since i got my dk yarn from knit picks.



doesn't it look like bigfoot's ghost right now? its eyes plaintively staring at me was a total mindfuck, too !

i know it's boring when people talk about what they eat but to work on ED stuff i'm trying to generally eat the same exact things at every meal, because it's much easier for me to control what i'm eating with a routine than when i try to be spontaneous or, you know, enjoy food. i have a feeling that i won't be able to enjoy food for like 10 years, or ever? anyway, i've been eating:

breakfast
- yogurt
- fruit (pears !)

snack
- almonds
- pretzels

lunch
- quorn patty (or veggie burger) on a wheat roll with spinach/artichoke cream cheese
- baby carrots

dinner
- red beans and rice and peas
or
- soup with spinach and pasta and white beans and olive oil
or
- some kind of fake meat thing, sweet potatoes, and a vegetable

when i write that out, it doesn't really sound like a lot of food, but i tend to eat larger meals at dinner time (and i've had trouble sticking to the dinner options this week) because that's kind of the uh, danger zone for me as far as disordered eating. anyway, the point of me telling you all that is that i deviated from my usual dannon all natural vanilla



and instead got stonyfield organic french vanilla



i really love greek yogurt texture (but never the taste? i'm american, i want really sweet yogurt, spiro) so i um... usually leave my tubs of yogurt sitting out for a night so most of the whey separates out and the yogurt gets thick. but this stonyfield yogurt is totally weird and every morning when i open the container there's like two inches of whey on top and the texture now is basically like noxema? it's really weird and tomorrow's breakfast is going to be grim !

i did just remember that i have an ice cream maker though:



so i think this weekend i'm going to get stuff to make dark chocolate cherry froyo for me and christina.

i really truly have nothing to talk about. now that i'm not napping i don't even have cool night sweats and stuff to write about !

p.s. i'm kind of busy at work today and it blows

all dressed up

i think i probably start every entry with 'hey dudes' so i'm not going to today ! p.s. hey dudes !!!!!!

yesterday was a weird day of trying stuff for me- i'm working on some cool interesting eating disorder stuff that totally sucks for me, and had to try to eat normally and be normal for a whole day. it basically felt like when the golden girls dressed up like men and went into the men's locker room at the country club- i felt super antsy and weird all day. eating normal food and not doing anything... well, disordered for a whole day made me feel like i accidentally left 100 stoves on- like, something was nagging at me all day like i forgot something important.


my favorite meal is a hoagie and a pamphlet

it's really hard to work on and think about this stuff, needless to say. after my last entry, i am trying really hard not to get ahead of myself and worry about how i'm going to deal with peoples' reactions to me losing weight (an unfortunate consequence of eating disorder recovery for me). like, i WILL have to deal with it when it happens, but it won't be noticeable for months.

i also did not take a nap when i got home from work. my weird period of like, winter malaise got me into the habit of going home after work, taking a nap, and then going to bed super super late (like 2-3am), so i'd be tired the next day and take another nap etc. etc. etc. i've already felt more energetic and positive and um, into the idea of hanging out and leaving my house lately so i think that's a positive change. let's hang out everybody !

i worked on my chewbacca last night- unfortunately because i used worsted weight yarn instead of dk, it's huge and misshapen so from here on out i'm just going to call it a bigfoot. the arms took about 10 minutes each to crochet:



oddly the pattern required me to stuff them and then brush them and of course the stuffing got pulled through:



i'm going to re-do them since it's so fast. by the way, brushing patches of bigfoot fur with a brush is warping me further because i love doing it and it's so relaxing.

oh. yeah. one last thing ! i'm even more bummed by 'the pacific' now because there was an extended night combat scene where john basilone repairs a machine gun or something, and he burnt his arm, and he killed some japanese people, and it was really vague and hard to tell what was happening, and this is what it was supposed to portray:



On October 24, 1942 his unit engaged the Japanese in the Lunga area when their position came under attack by a regiment of approximately 3000 soldiers. The Japanese forces began a frontal attack using machine-guns, grenades and mortars against the American heavy machine-guns. The American forces fought for the next 48 hours until only Basilone and two other men from his squad were still able to continue fighting. Basilone moved an extra gun into position and maintained continual fire against the incoming Japanese forces. He repaired another machine-gun and personally manned it, holding the defensive line until replacements arrived. With the continuous fighting, ammunition became critically low and supply lines were cut off. Basilone fought through hostile lines and returned with urgently needed ammunition for his gunners. By the end of the battle, the Japanese regiment was virtually annihilated.

i know that won't mean anything to most of you, but they did such a piss poor job of conveying ANY of that that it doesn't give me high hopes for the rest of the series. maybe i'll just watch band of brothers again.

p.s. mouse might come meet me for lunch ! i'm gonna get a fruit salad though cause i have a veggie burger for lunch.
p.p.s. having regular poops is weird.

it's pearfection

i just ate the best pear in the universe, fyi.

heyyyy dudes. what's happening? my weekend was pretty good overall- on friday, i tried to go buy pants and jeans after work but that wasn't in the cards. i went to lane bryant (one of like... three fat people clothing stores? but this one is expensive and mostly has mom clothes) and their system of sizing jeans is baffling. like, there's three colors representing three body types, and within each color there's sizes 1-8? with 1 being a 14/16 and 8 being a 28/30 maybe? the girl working there was busy intently flirting with the security guard and wouldn't actually explain the sizes to me so i gave up. i did try on a few pairs and every pair of jeans on earth is low rise, which is a bummer for me.



then i came home and farted around and crap. on saturday, christina went to nyc, so i had to drive by myself ! it wasn't too bad- my only real problem was parking and unparking. also, on the way there, i was surprised to see a guy actually doing appropriate traffic signals with his arm (the likes of which i haven't seen since driver's ed), only to discover he was actually just fucking around with his arm in a way that turned out to mean something. i went to trader joe's and whole foods to pick up some groceries, including the trader joe's dark chocolate sea salt almonds



on saturday night, mouse and i went to our friend lauren's birthday party in ambler. we got to see bj, helen, and james, and uh... lauren, obviously ! haha. i haven't seen her in a million years and she was a very gracious host. also, our friend jessica who i haven't seen in like four years (who is very nice !) was there with her baby and i got to hug him and hold him and give him a bottle and he pulled my hair ! p.s. sorry to embarrass lauren but her mother was there and told us that when lauren was 2 or so, her mom was changing her baby brother's diaper and lauren pointed to his junk and asked what it was, so her mom told her, and she was like, "oh, i love peanuts"



mouse's spring allergies (and reaction to claritin) are totally nuts this year, so we went home pretty early. i had insane queasiness and stomach pain so i ended up staying up until 6am (last night i discovered that i forgot to take my birth control for like three days !). on sunday i woke up early and... well, i did some heroics with paul and ibrahim, but then i made pasta salad for a picnic in clark park !



my um, signature pasta salad is just avocados, tomatoes, and pasta (i'd put red onions too but mouse doesn't like them) with dressing- i like drew's smoked tomato dressing, but this time i used trader joe's tuscan italian and it was pretty good ! i also got some fake oreos (joe-joe's !) and pretzels and uh, capri suns, and we went to fairmount park and ate at an area mouse and i refer to as "the affair park" cause we saw two people definitely having an affair there once !


mouse enjoys some unappetizing-looking pasta salad


mike follows suit

then we went to old navy so i could return something and i got four of the same skirt:



in black, blue, green, and this print:



i say "skirt" but it's actually a tube dress. i tend to wear my pants and skirts up at my fucking armpits so these fall to the knee- their regular summer skirts like, reveal my vagina.

when i got home, i started crocheting my chewbacca. dudes, crocheting is easy? just look at youtube ! it took me 30 minutes tops to teach myself well enough to follow an amigurumi pattern ! unfortunately though, i used worsted weight yarn instead of dk, like suggested, and it's fucking huge ! i ordered some dk from knit picks to make some reasonably small ones, but i also ordered some larger eyes from 6060 so i can complete this chewbacca.


pre-brushing


post-brushing

so far it looks pretty good, but i have to attach the eyes before i finish it, and they haven't come yet (because um, i just ordered them at like 8pm last night). i may make the arms tonight !

aaaaaaaand, finally, the second episode of the pacific aired last night, and i say with regret that it hasn't really pulled me in yet.



- i hate the tom hanks narration. i guess it's necessary, but i really don't like it. he has the WORST VOICE.
- the title sequence is beautiful but it's like, 400 minutes long.
- the episode was only 50 minutes long !
- it felt rushed and weirdly paced just like the first episode
- they keep TELLING INSTEAD OF SHOWING. like, they're being super heavy handed with the characterization of the main characters- like, "LECKIE, YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO KEEP EVERYONE'S SPIRITS UP, YOU REALLY HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS, YOU'RE A BARD" and "BASILONE, YOU'LL GET A MEDAL FOR THIS ! YOU'RE A HERO !!!"
- it's just so clumsy trying to cover 3 years of time between 3 separate units (well, 2 right now) who don't interact with each other.

overall i'm cautiously optimistic. i also have to say that i keep comparing it to band of brothers, which it will never live up to, and that when band of brothers aired, i didn't know ANYTHING about what was going on so it was all novel and a surprise to me, but i've learned all about this stuff in the past 9 years, so knowing what's going to happen and to whom might kill it a little for me.

phewwwww that took forever. i'm gonna go have a ginger ale.

p.s. i bought a bunch of healthy food for lunch and brought everything but my veggie burgers to work
p.p.s. as i try to work on eating disorder stuff, my brain has shut down and no food seems appetizing to me anymore. i keep coming up with creative menus each week and i don't want any of the stuff i buy or make. ugh.
p.p.p.s. i registered for my first class for summer 2010 and i start in may !

braveheart of the rodeo

did i mention that pizza acts like a fucking freak when you give her catnip? she never reacted much to toys and scratching posts with catnip, so i never bothered to buy any for her to eat. i got a tub on wednesday and fed her a few pinches and she stayed stock still doing owl ears for a minute and then jumped onto christina's craft table and started obsessively licking some wool roving. like, wouldn't let me push her away from it and her muscles were totally locked so i couldn't even push her head away !


some other cat eating some other catnip

last night, i raided and taught myself to crochet. we had a lot of downtime because we were wiping on valithria:



since we were missing a few key dps and healers. we do have some new recruits, but i don't think anyone briefed them on the no talking like a neanderthal policy so i'm sure i'll be able to report some awesome rape jokes to you guys soon. anyway, in my downtime, i watched knit witch videos on youtube and taught myself three crochet stitches.


from the bottom: single crochet, double crochet, half double crochet

i still need to work on tension and stuff but i think i've pretty much got it down. it probably took like a half hour? as you guys probably know, the #1 most annoying thing you can say to a knitter/crocheter (besides "make me something lololol") is "i wish i could do that" because... no one's brain comes with that stuff already inside it- we learned how to do it. and there is nothing stopping you from learning besides laziness, so why bother to comment? anyway, as a reaction to that i've become super unrealistically confident about my abilities and just decided i was going to learn to crochet, and i'm doing it.

big ups to christina for checking my work, though.

i was going to make a list of stuff i need to do this weekend (clean my room, PUT MY SHELF TOGETHER, grocery shop, make a chewbacca) but instead i'm going to do this one:

list of things you shouldn't say to fat people who are losing weight:
- "you look great !" - there is a judgment in this, and that judgment is "when you are more fat, you do not look great". this is a total motherfucking mindfuck, so don't say it. even if you just want to say it because they look happier/"healthier"/whatever, don't say it. if you have to compliment them, why not be a normal person and not compliment their body?
- "i'm glad you're finally doing something about your weight" - again, there is a judgment here, and that judgment is, "i have been waiting for you to do something about your weight". no fat person wants to hear that someone close to them is thinking about their body or weight and waiting for them to lose weight.
- "what's your secret?" - there is no secret to weight loss. you lose weight if you eat well and exercise, which most people find boring. what you also may not realize is that their "secret" is all of the struggle and mental turmoil and weird feelings that come along with trying to change the way you eat and exercise and live and LOOK, and dealing with other peoples' reactions to those changes as your value increases to other people as your weight decreases, and you probably don't want to hear that because that isn't fun for you.
- "aren't you on a diet? can you eat that?" - the fat person is keenly aware what they "can" eat. they don't need your help (and guess what- there is ALSO a judgment in there !)

these are just guidelines for people you're close to, by the way. if an acquaintance or someone you don't know very well is losing a lot of weight, do not say shit to them ever. in 2007 i lost 75 lbs and had to deal with the comments above from people i was close to (imagine the mindfuck of embarrassment and shame that happens from hearing people you NEVER would have guessed judged you based on your weight say stuff like that ! and imagine how you feel when you gain it back, like i did), but i also had to deal with coworkers saying that they could see that my BACK was skinnier and coworkers saying that my boobs were getting smaller and all kinds of shit !

sorry, this is on my mind lately as i work on eating disorder stuff. it sucks that to work on that, my appearance will have to change and i'll have to go crazy again from people commenting on it. whatever, here's a turtle:



have a good weekend !