a race against the clock !

hayyyy. i have to start getting ready to go to the doctor at 10, so i have to MAKE THIS FAST ! my eye is getting progressively more swollen and itchy every day- like, it goes down by the end of the day with zyrtec eyedrops + zyrtec, but every day when i wake up it looks worse than the previous morning. today it's veryyyyyy swollen. if it's allergies, which everyone keeps saying it is, i'm obviously allergic to something in my room, because it gets horrible overnight. and maybe it's no coincidence that it's my left eye, and i sleep on my left side.



christina just said they might SWAB MY EYE ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

on wednesday, my writing class went okay- we were assigned a short paper to write over the weekend and another reading assignment, which should be fine, and we did group work, which was, as always, infuriating. the lady i got grouped with was super nice but she hadn't read huckleberry finn and hadn't done the reading for her class but was arguing with what i was saying based on what she thinks the book is about. buhhhhhhhh.

lasttttt night was my genocide class, and of course i loved it. we watched a christiane amanpour documentary for cnn called, scream bloody murder. it's available on youtube, and it's about the people who saw genocide happening and how no one listened to them. to break up the heartbreak and injustice, christiane interviewed everyone and seriously to every person was like, "would you say you... SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER?". also despite being so interesting, the last segment (part 14 if you're watching it on youtube) was pretty horrible and was about a hutu man apologizing to a tutsi woman for killing her family, conveniently leaving out the fact that the government required him to do so.



i'm so, so excited about this class. it's going to be tough because there's a tonnnnn of reading and a tonnnnnnn of writing, but it's so interesting and the classroom discussions are great. i want to talk way too much in class though so i'm going to have to curb that so other people can talk and so i'm not the older student who dominates the conversation and demands the professor's attention (aka the person i hateddddddd when i was 18).

oh, so far, the worst thing about going back to school, by far, is christians in the classroom. i don't think that religious people realize how boring their religion is to other people and how alienating it is when they talk to a group of people from other cultures/countries/religious groups in a university setting about their faith like it's an absolute given and absolute truth. like, the only book you like is the bible cause you DON'T LIKE FICTION? cooooool. you don't worry too much about the problems with the genocide convention that hinder prevention, international intervention, etc. because the victims will go to heaven and god will judge the perpetrators? that's so interesting and also like, almost sociopathic. jesus is probably rolling over in his grave right now because you're using him as an excuse to not think critically about the world around you.



okay, gotta go get ready to go to the doctor. i'm gonna go to work afterward i think, if only because i left my school books at work.

this weekend: studying, studying, studying, going to target to get allergy pillow covers (if the doctor says this is allergies), making dinner with mouse tomorrow, studying, having vegetarian thanksgiving with jeanne and ryann on sunday? and also possibly meeting a kitten to adopt (i don't want to get my hopes up yet !)

we are 139

yesterday was my 138th entry ! hayyy.

this morning my eyes were so swollen and i looked like this guy:



christina put zyrtec eyedrops in my eyes, which was super relieving, and i took a zyrtec- the alavert i was taking just wasn't cutting it, and i feel a little better, but i also had to drink a 32 oz iced coffee to combat it and now i feel like, Very Insane.

the bigggggg news is that weirdo's owners found out we had her, so we had to bring her back to them. it was a bummer because she's back outside already. the cat seriously has zero street smarts and is constantly almost getting hit by cars. i guess they'll be sorry when she's dead? we'll miss you, weirdo (and i reserve the right to name any future cat i get "weirdo II" with a silent "II").



at least jeanne got to meet her ! jeanne came over and petted her forever, and then we ordered delicious thai food. i had crazy allergy head/face so i didn't feel like going anywhere, so we hung out at my house and talked. jeanne is coooooooool. after she left, i read some of huckleberry finn. wow, huckleberry finn is a total sociopath ! i remember his exploits sounding a lot more fun and clever when i was a kid and now i'm like, "what a maniac." i'm kind of kidding, but kind of not kidding too. reading nothing but huckleberry finn and a million genocide books and articles this semester is probably going to turn me into an empty shell of a person who eats a lot of corn pone.



i got some yarn in the mail, too, to make baby stuff for some babies ! first, i'm making mouse's nephew scottie a tiny little mailman replica cardigan (using a patch from one of mouse's old work shirts), and this pattern:



and knitpicks worsted swish superwash in dark navy:



and i'm going to make the presto chango cardigan for helen's upcoming baby



with garnet heather swish worsted yarn, which looks a little like this but is more vibrant with black heathering:



and these faux jet buttons from etsy:



i'm pretty excited to do some baby knitting, since it seems like things will knit up fast and i have a little while before i need to finish, but i ammmmmm a little worried about knitting time vs. school time. i barely knitted anything over summer, but knitting in the summer also kind of sucks. oh, i also bought these buttons on etsy, for use with... some other baby thing? maybe a fancy baby sweater?



they seem too beautiful to waste on a baby (i love babies, but they don't know an ornate button from a shit-lined shoe) but they're also super tiny and i think they'd get lost on any kind of adult garment. i just need to meet a really elegant and fancy and worldly baby. maybe a millionaire baby? dannielynn birkhead? hillary swank?



i guess i should get to work- i'm going to read huckleberry finn on my lunch break, and do a little reading for my genocide class. i have to write a response paper for that class, which is intimidating because i don't really know what that is. here's what the professor wrote us:

I encourage everyone to try out a response paper for Thursday. This will help you codify the definitional questions involved in the study of genocide and perhaps clarify some deeper thoughts you have on the subject. It will also give you a chance to see how these response papers work. As I mentioned last Thursday, guiding questions will be posted each week. Feel free to use them as a guide when writing your response paper. I have found that the most successful response papers engage one question or a set of closely related questions in a sustained way. Response papers are semi-formal--please correct spelling and grammar before handing them in! You should also feel free to draw on personal experience, and by all means use the first person.

hopefully this all works out and it isn't graded too harshly- we have 13 weeks in class and only have to write 10 papers, so i could skip it, but i want all the feedback i can get, so i'm going to try my best and try not to be too worried about "doing it wrong."

okay cya !

the winds of quiet change

mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn i woke up this morning and my eyes were dry, swollen, and itchy. i've never had this happen ever, but i've deduced that it's probably allergies? but allergies to WHAT ! i'll never know. i'm going to die.

hayyyy. so last night was my first writing seminar and... i'm underwhelmed. the professor was very nice, but there was a weird exchange at one point- i missed the first class, and we were supposed to bring laptops to do a writing diagnostic (which just involved... typing in a word document? why couldn't this be done on paper?), but i didn't have mine with me because i wasn't at the first class. i had to use hers, and we had this exchange:

her: please don't look at any of my documents
me: i wasn't planning on it !
her: good. that would be very disappointing



it seems like it will be a pretty easy class (knock on wood) so i'm not too worried. what i ammmmm worried about is that i bought my textbooks on amazon (because they were... $111 cheaper) and i may not get them by tomorrow. i really hope i do- amazon prime hasn't failed me yet. in the meantime, i may stop by the last word after work and see if they have a used copy of the huckleberry finn book (which is not just huckleberry finn) that i can take a look at.



i have like.. nothing else interesting to say because i'm hungry, dying of allergies, and dying of death, and am miserable. my morning was obliterated by a stupid meeting, and also i just realized i have to read like 238293088923 pages for genocide class !!!

p.s. remind me to talk about knitting tomorrow

ning ning ning nang ning nong ning nang

dudes i am having major allergies ! well, not major allergies- i'm actually more accurately having minor allergies- but i don't usually have seasonal allergies !!!! my sinuses are killing me and so are my teeth. blehhhh.

sooooooo i had my first real class last night. not to say my summer classes weren't *real*, but they were both online. i was really, really nervous and ended up being like 30 minutes early, andddddd of course it was a classroom with these crappy desks:



i don't know if thin people have to think about stuff like this, but these are like the bane of every fat person or big-boobed person's existence. there was a woman in my class with big boobs whose boobs were just like.. resting on the desk and taking up all available desk space. for me, they're just super uncomfortable and it's a three hour class, so i opted out and just sat at a little table in the front. everyyyyyyyy other classroom in the building just had long tables and chairs ! every classroom !



aside from that, the class was really fucking cool and interesting. like everything she said made my brain excited. the professor herself is extremely knowledgeable and engaging, and surprisingly (for a genocide class) kept laughing? i think it was a combination of enthusiasm and incredulity. the only problem is that it's a 400 level class? i didn't know.. levels.. was something, i guess, so i didn't pay attention (i don't know how to go to school !) so i consulted with her after class. she said she thinks i'll do great and that first years have taken her class and done well, and that she doesn't grade on a curve because she's really into individual improvement and development of work, and she isn't a stickler about paper deadlines.

i'm going to go to the writing center on campus because i'm a good writer generally, but don't remember how to write papers. we have ten one page papers and one ten page paper, and for the ten page paper we have to hand in our proposals, our outlines, and our rough drafts so she can guide us and make suggestions, and i think that will work perfectly for me. i'm still nervous though and afraid i'm in over my head.


here's a picture of raphael lemkin, because there's not a lot of fun genocide pictures to post in a blog

i'm going over to the bookstore in a minute to get my books and i'm going to treat myself to some school supplies. hoorayyyyy.

okay ! big news ! tonight is jeanne's show at benna's. the show is called unclean spirits and it's russian folklore stuff and everything looks fucking awesome. check out her blog for more pictures of everything. i think this is my favorite piece and the one i'm going to try to buy:



i'm so excited and super proud of her because everything looks so great and because she worked super hard on this. her work keeps getting better and better with every show ! alksdkjaskd jeanne. !!!!

alsooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo jess and laszlo are coming tonight and coming to the show with us ! i'm passing on my old laptop to jess so she's coming down to get it. which reminds me that i forgot to take all of my shit off of it so i'll have to do that tonight while everyone is sleeping.

this weekend is going to be cool.

i say that every hour

first update from my new laptop ! i'm at home today because i got the brilliant idea to try to find a suitable schoolbag in my closet last night and got the worst dust allergy attack ever. my sleep patterns have been iffy at best lately, but i had watery stinging eyes/sinus pain/tooth pain (a weird allergy symptom i get)/a runny nose/an itchy throat until 5am or so. the worst part is that i didn't find a suitable bag. actually wait the worst part is that i feel like shit !



yesterday i heard back about my transfer credits. out of 20 possible credits, seven will transfer. i expected zero, so that is really encouraging ! work will pay for me to take six credits a year, so 7 credits takes a whole year off of my school career. the only trick here is that i have to get the syllabuses for those seven classes so they can determine if they fulfill requirements or if they're electives. surprisingly, i tracked down 4 of them within hours, and the other 3 are allegedly on their way- i had to get current syllabuses because um... i took the classes 9 years ago, but they accept those.

after work, i met up with mouse at green line (where i had a vegan chicken salad sandwich and giant iced coffee). before he got there, this dude came up to the counter behind me and said, "do you guys have any SKIN MILK??????" and i cracked up in the dude's face and was horrified by how rude i was being and then it made me laugh even harder so i was just like... laughing like a maniac for five or so minutes. ahhhh. it's still making me laugh to think about it ! mouse and i went on a short walk and got subpar fruit at supreme and a hairbrush at cvs.



and thennnnnnn when i came home, i transferred all of my music onto my new laptop, installed some programs on it, filled out my refund form for the free ipod i got with the laptop (i sent it to my mom) and did some other junk.

two more things !

1) i need comfortable and cute walking shoes. i need shoes that are as close to being barefoot as possible (that aren't those shoes with the individual toes), and are good for wide feet. the most comfortable shoes i've ever had, the birkenstock annapolis, are like $170 everywhere or on ebay but not in my size (i accidentally won a pair that are too big). i might go with the birkenstock eden?



2) i start school tomorrow and i'm really fucking scared. i'm nervous about like... every possible aspect of everything, from not being smart enough to the professor not liking me to the desks being uncomfortable for fat people. ugh.

anywayyyy blehhhhhhhh blehaslkdajslkgg wish me luck bleh.

whole world in his hands

i'm back at work for the first time since last wednesday ! so far it is very weird because i don't think my boss has read the email i sent her about my dad dying (she was out of town for work/on vacation til yesterday) yet. i still basically feel nothing but i am starting to feel a little weird because all of my coworkers care about me a lot and are being really nice to me- i actually think that's what's making me feel weird, because i cry any time anyone is really nice to me or really mean to me.



yesterday was my last day with my mom before she goes home ! her flight leaves at 2 today. we farted around the house in the morning and then jesse called me and was like, "WHAT ARE WE DOING FOR LUNCH????" so we made plans to go to chinatown. we went to lee how fook, the most highly recommended place in chinatown (i have no idea where real people eat cause i always just go to one of the billion veg. chinese places) and it was not that great. every time i go with people who eat meat, they LOVE their food, but i've had every vegetarian option at this point and every single one was gross.


bean curd with mushrooms at lee how fook

so those huge chunks of tofu? not pressed. so they were like waterlogged flavorless sponges. also there were 4 mushrooms in it. also we saw two live cockroaches on the ground. jesse and my mom liked their food though !! haha.

after that we... went to the first nail place we saw and my mom got her mustache waxed and jesse got a manicure and i got a manicure and pedicure. it was like $18 and totally worth it because my feet are disgusting. i say that with 100% pride- my feet are like leather and i can walk on any surface, i never wear socks, and i had alarming witch toenails. and they're like that because i use them ! but my callouses were getting uncomfortable (like, dry and CRACKING) and my toenails were all fucked up, so i paid $18 to have a guy use a dremel on them.



that was pretty cool ! it was also kind of brutal because i'm super ticklish- i had to stop him during the foot massage portion of the pedicure because it tickled and also i am generally uncomfortable with the ART OF THE MASSAGE being done to my body. i got my nails and toes painted these colors:


opi hot and spicy and jade is the new black

i ended up buying both colors cause i like them and cause i liked the dude who did my feet (AS A FRIEND) and wanted to support their business.

after that, we took the trolley home and got stuck underground ! my mom was having a conniption because she's super claustrophobic and hates being underground anyway. and then once we started going, the line that attaches the trolley to the power source disconnected and made a huge bang and i'm pretty sure my mom thought it was a crocodile or something and freaked out. we made it out though, and the whole ordeal only took like 20 minutes.



when christina got home, we got a car and went to pick up a few things- most notably, we got a really exciting curtain to put in our livingroom doorway to keep the AC in, and uh, paper towels? and and and uh... some hand towels for the bathroom.

unfortunately, i had a bad allergic reaction to those mosquito bites and i took two baby benadryl earlier in the day, so i was like... totally wiped out and out of it for the entire last day my mom was here. i kept switching between feeling like my brain was awake and my body was asleep and vice versa. how do people take benadryl? how do BABIES take baby benadryl?



anyway, i'm sad that my mom is leaving. i wish she lived up here, but then my brother would be bummed.

what else? i got an xbox but i didn't set it up yet or um, buy any games. i didn't want to ignore my mom for it (though she felt A-OK ignoring me for FARMVILLE !!!!!). i signed up for gamefly and got borderlands and put red dead redemption and alan wake in my queue, but i'm going to have a lot of setting up to do. borderlands is the only game that came so far and my borderlands friend is on vacation.



now that i put my air conditioner in my room and am going to hook this up and watch netflix on it and nerd off with some of my nerd friends, my chances of going outside this summer are getting slimmer and slimmer. HOWEVER, i am going to make a real effort to do stuff outside and hang out and go to peoples' houses.

p.s. i hope.
p.p.s. i miss my mom.
p.p.p.s. i got a bunch of nice clothes but i feel weird about it.