there's no turning back from this one

sooo i'm still not too affected by my dad's death, but last night i had a weird panic attack about my mom dying in the future- like, heaving sobbing panicking. i try to never think about it because i'm not sure how i'd exist on earth without my mom. i was seriously beside myself and when i finally calmed down i... went out and bought a bunch of moccasins?



it wasn't like... retail therapy or anything, i have no comfortable crappy shoes i can wear and get dirty for the summer since i wore through most of them, so i got a pair of brown and a pair of black. just getting out of the house and DOING something made me feel better, but it always makes me feel weird when the thing i'm doing is shopping. i'm super thrifty and critical of my consumption (though i'm far from perfect) but it's gotten to a point where i feel weird and guilty about spending money on something i legitimately need. didn't stop me from buying an xbox though !



my birthday party is this weekend and i'm really nervous. every year i get anxious that no one will come and no one will have a good time, even though i don't think that has ever happened before. this is the first year that i've restricted myself to one birthday party but i may try to get brunch going on sunday or something. the plan is hotel party with pizza and beer at this point? i think "hotel party" makes it sound way more glamorous than it will be, because it's just going to be nerds eating pizza in air conditioning for the most part. maybe they will eat cake too.


in reality my birthday cake will be like, a vegan soda cake

oh yeah. how do i make a pimple go away? i have a pimple on my upper lip that is super gross and painful and it won't go away. i never really get them but i want it gone asap because it's my least favorite pimple location.

so this entry has been boring and stilted and weird because i had a rough eating disorder night last night and i'm not really sure how to talk about it.

six million dollars

mannnnnn i'm in a bad mood because my crappiest most annoying coworker has inconvenienced me again !

yesterday we had a cute meeting about making our office "green". i joined the committee and hopefully we'll be able to do something to reduce the massive amounts of waste the people in my office produce (like using one non-recyclable paper cup for every drink they get all day, etc.) cause it grosses me out. i also found out some useful recycling facts like that you cannot recycle dirty pizza boxes in philly. only clean pizza boxes? which basically don't exist. i guess the pizza grease makes the machines sad because they can never experience pizza for real. not sure, i wasn't listening. after work i went to jeanne's house ! diana didn't show, so we got really delicious burritos and watched futurama.



the burritos were really good ! i got a guacamole burrito and my only regret is that i didn't ask for hot sauce on it. i also had a mexican coke in a glass bottle which is a real treat for me because i don't live in california or south philly. the grocery store by my house used to carry it, but now all they have is mexican pepsi :(

jeanne has a lot of cool stuff in her room, including one of my most coveted items, the g.i. joe search for the yeti... yeti. while she was getting the burritos, i took some beautiful portraits of him:




right before he ate fig

oh also mike b. came over too and made lots of fart jokes and ate an enchilada. i tried to knit a little bit while we hung out but i got too excited and kept playing with toys or trying to upset fig the cat. mike and jeanne are the bestttttt. jeanne also split a cryptozoology playset with me which is the kindest most generous thing ever. she got chupacabra and the loch ness monster, i got bigfoot, mothman, and the jersey devil.



TOTALLY UNRELATED, but did i ever tell you guys about the time i saw the jersey devil? stephen decatur and i were at the hanover iron works (this was awhile ago, like early 1800s?) and we heard some hooves on the path, and it was the jersey devil. we decided to try to take it out but my cannon aim is terrible (i go to a cannon range on weekends now and i'm a lot better, but like i said, it was awhile ago) and i just clipped his wing. he flew away immediately though and wasn't even fazed by it. anyway, totally unrelated to me playing with jeanne's toys or her giving me this toy i found a picture of my encounter !


good hair day for me

after i left, i came home and got sucked into killing professor putricide, which is probably my least favorite fight in the entire world of warcraft? so my night was like a wonderful meal with black licorice for dessert.

i wanted to end with two lists because i have to do a lot of last minute prep stuff for this event today !

stuff i continually search for on ebay
- remco monsters
- g.i. joe search for the yeti
- six million dollar man bionic bigfoot

- clarks cute bar 10
- crocs alice 10
- my current pair of glasses (don't want to give away trade secrets !)

stuff inside my bag right now
- knitting bag containing two sock projects and 1 chewbacca arm
- extra ipod cord
- beautiful crappy umbrella

- wallet
- phone
- ipod
- keys (with pocketknife)
- birth control
- checkbook (simpsons checks)
- tide pen without a cap
- tampons !
- tiny stick of deodorant (to prevent chub rub)
- moleskine planner that i never use
- one dollar
- pens (one pink florida floaty pen, one pentel rsvp [the best], two beautiful pale green recyclable papermate pens that i won answering recycling questions yesterday)
- neutrogena norwegian hand cream
- lip balm (cherry chapstick, cococare cocoa butter balm, eos fruit flavored, gal collection vanilla scented vaseline, um, venus williams pink lemonade)
- 1 jersey devil
- 1 bigfoot
- 1 mothman

i basically only list the stuff in my bag when i have something stupid in it. see: the end of the list.

i'm gonna go do work now and probably complain a little !